How does one end a friendship?

[ReneeM]

In August I began too see my supposed best friend in a negative light. I needed her to be there for me and she wasn't. It's a long story. This past month she was in the hospital and could have died. I texted her a few times and asked if she needed anything. I got a text that said "okay". I tried to be there for her, but I guess she didnt want me to be. She can never see me because of the fiancé. Who she knows I don't like. He makes me uncomfortable. He has no sense of tact with his actions.

I have not seen her in a month. In the past couple of weeks two of my nieces and nephews ended up in the hospital. I text my friend and just got another response that said "okay".

I was irritated she couldn't even ask how they were doing. When her dad was sick I asked about him several times. I would think that would be the first thing someone would ask.

At this point I just feel like Im done with her. She has become selfish and self-centered. When I think about her I get angry and upset. We also differ in religious and political views. She feels free to talk about her beliefs, but gets angry when I talk about mine.

Last month she was talking about me being in her wedding in a couple of years as a maid if honor. Is it horrible I have no desire to be?

I'm dont think she realizes how angry I am at her. She never wants to talk about it.

We gave been friends fourteen years.

I'm clueless on what to do at this point. Do I just come right out and day I don't want to be friends anymore?

Maybe to ride it out? I just can't think of her the same way anymore.

Sorry for the rant.

 

[threewingedfury]

I'm the type of person who can't let my emotions hide inside - if I have a problem with someone, I will let them know. Considering you have been friends for 14 years, there's got to be something that held your friendship together that long. Sometimes it's a bumpy road, but talking through it would be my suggestion. Just because friends don't agree doesn't mean that they should call it quits. Put your cards on the table, tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. If it seems that it wasn't meant to be, take a break - sometimes that's what a friendship needs in order to grow.

 

[ReneeM]

I have tried to talk to her, she refuses or is to busy. At least according to her. I've wanted to talk since the beginning of September. I'm blown off or she says she isn't ready to talk about it.

Im tired of trying. She has not contacted me at all on her own in two months. I'm the one who makes contact, I have trice, but I tired of the effort when she is either oblivious or doesn't care.

She never calls me, but text. I prefer talking over the phone, texting and facebook are so impersonal. That is her preferred communication.

Maybe we have just changed.

 

[threewingedfury]

Well.. just don't make any more effort if that's the case. When she's ready to talk, she'll contact you. If not, it was never an important friendship after all. I wouldn't stress over it, sometimes, friends are overrated

 

[Pikaia]

Renee- I read your post back when about how your friend wasn't there for you when your dog died. I don't think there is any excuse for that. I don't care whether she doesn't think pets are that big of a deal, if a friend is hurting- they should be there for you. Real friends don't just blow others off. They may be busy at the time, but you make time for people that you care about eventually and that's that! At least call you back or something! Sheesh!

I don't know, you are making an effort in trying to talk with her and be there for her. She isn't responding. Maybe it's just time to back off and wait for her to contact you.
I read something somewhere and it goes kinda like, "The length of the friendship isn't so much as important as whether that person has been there for you" That's not exactly, but you get the idea. I have people that I've been "friends" with since elementary school. We are not real close, but we're facebook friends and talk on there occasionally. Then I have my best friend who I met in college three years ago, she has been there and helped me through so much crap.

Just sit back and see what happens. I also think it's disrespectful that she can talk about her views/opinions and gets mad when you try and mention yours. That isn't fair and that's not how friendships work.

 

[ReneeM]

Thanks guys

I'm just going to stop communicating for now. I told her I forgave her about the dogs, but it still hurts. I'm going to turn to my other friends. Who seem to understand me better. Although I gave known them both three years or less. One of my good friends is over 60. In 29

My mom has always been my real best friend anyway.

I need to learn to step back. I always want to rush and fix things. I don't think this is worth fixing anymore. Maybe time will change things, but I doubt it.

It stinks. My mon recently lost her best friend of almost 30 years. I can relate now. Live and learn I guess!

 

[Spoof]

Well.. just don't make any more effort if that's the case. When she's ready to talk, she'll contact you. If not, it was never an important friendship after all. I wouldn't stress over it, sometimes, friends are overrated

I 100% agree with this. People change over time especially when they are in relationships with a significant other. It is healthier for you if you move on to other friends. It is hard, but when she is ready she'll come back. If/When she does you'll be able to look at your past relationship in a different light and decide wether or not to continue it. The hardest part is the actual moving on. Good luck! )

I also wanted to ad that I don't believe relationships should ever be judged via a call or text. They need to be addressed in person.

 

[AZChins]

I'd just stop talking to her. She can just go away and her memory can fade. Try to not think about her or it will make you angry. It sounds like she isn't even worth your time, why bother wasting your time trying to get her to be a decent person? There are so many people out there like her and in the end they look up and realize that they have no friends anymore because they treat people like garbage.

It really is best to not stress about people like that. I've had a few people like that in my life and since I have let them go, everything is much better. It's not fair to be stressed out worried about people not liking me or worrying that I have done something to offend them. It doesn't really matter! True friends stick around, the others can just fade into the background and be the miserable jerks that they are without us having to worry about their wellbeing.

 

[Riven]

People change. Some grow up, some don't. Some move one, some get stuck. My best friend through high school ended up stealing my checks and other stuff from me, claimed distress, eventually I forgave her but she's so out there I can't deal with her. My heart breaks for her children, she's turned out just like her parents. All I could do is walk away and let her ruin her own life, because I can't change what she does. She would contact me when it was convenient for her, one time she had another kid before I even talked to her again but then gets mad I wasn't there or didn't come see her... I didn't even know!

Sounds like she is making it easy for you to break it off, or possibly she's already broke it off and is just waiting for you to realize it. You can step away from this knowing you tried, and there is not a balance there like a friendship should have.

 

[BooBoo*TheKiddo*]

Renee- I read your post back when about how your friend wasn't there for you when your dog died. I don't think there is any excuse for that. I don't care whether she doesn't think pets are that big of a deal, if a friend is hurting- they should be there for you. Real friends don't just blow others off. They may be busy at the time, but you make time for people that you care about eventually and that's that! At least call you back or something! Sheesh!

I don't know, you are making an effort in trying to talk with her and be there for her. She isn't responding. Maybe it's just time to back off and wait for her to contact you.
I read something somewhere and it goes kinda like, "The length of the friendship isn't so much as important as whether that person has been there for you" That's not exactly, but you get the idea. I have people that I've been "friends" with since elementary school. We are not real close, but we're facebook friends and talk on there occasionally. Then I have my best friend who I met in college three years ago, she has been there and helped me through so much crap.

Just sit back and see what happens. I also think it's disrespectful that she can talk about her views/opinions and gets mad when you try and mention yours. That isn't fair and that's not how friendships work.

I agree with this. I have a friend who isn't a pet person at all, but he understands that my pets are my world so if I say something about one of them he'll talk to me about it. If I'm excited about dressing them up on Halloween, he wants to see them dressed up. If I mention taking one to the vet, he makes a point to ask what for and at some point after the visit he'll ask about them.
He understands they are important to me, just as I do with the things that are important to him.

However, we both know when the other doesn't want to talk about a subject not to push the topic until the other is ready.

With that said, you've made an effort...a few at that. The ball is in her court now. I had a friendship like this that ended about a year ago. It sucks but if she makes no effort then there isn't a need for you to keep trying.

Good Luck.

 

[ReneeM]

I wanted to thank everyone for your help. I have not contacted my "friend" in weeks. She posted some very hateful and bigoted things after the election on her Facebook page about the president. I can respect other's views, but what she posted was inexcusable.

I cannot and will not be friends with someone so hateful. It makes me angry. She has changed since being with her fiancé. I am done with her.

The relationship is toxic and no longer worth my effort or time.

 

[Lynn & The Chins]

Well, then, that settles that!!!

I'm glad you arrived at a decision and I believe that this will allow you to continue on your journey of growth without any lingering doubt about her.

 

[Pikaia]

Gosh, so many people showed their true colors during this election. I have seen it on my facebook too, but luckily I wasn't friends with any of them, but my friends commented on posts. So many hateful, immature, bigot remarks. No reason to use that kind of language or hate.

Good for you, Renee. Now you can concentrate on other friends who respect and care about you!

 

[ReneeM]

The funny thing is I don't think she has any idea about the way I feel. And she refuses to sit down and talk, so she can keep thinking we are friends. I'll just distance myself and hope she gets the idea!

She called the president the devil. And posted a very cruel picture as well.

In october she was talking about me being the maid of honor at her wedding. Ha! She wasn't just my friend, she was my best friend. Which makes it suck even more. Ah well, live and learn I guess!

At least it wasn't 25 years, like with my mom. She lost her supposed best friend last year. My mom did everything for this woman, and then the woman turned on her. There were alot of issues, but my mom didn't do anything to deserve the way this lady acted. The woman was angry she had gotten fired (she was screaming and breaking things at work). She expected my mom to quit as well.

 

[AZChins]

You're definitely better off without someone like that in your life. Then again you are better off without someone, who appears to not care at all about you. You shouldn't have to sit there and wait until she feels like being your friend. I had a "friend" like that and it felt great to just get rid of her last year. She was unwilling to do anything for me, but any tiny little thing from years ago that she did I would have to hear about it...even though I really did do about 1000 times more for her than she ever did for me. She stole from me and I just don't think I could ever trust her again. When you think about it people are stealing from you when they waste your time in a fake friendship. It's the same thing.