help in general.

[guiltyby_design]

well my boyfriend and i are engaged,
and he wants to get married soon, and im only 18 i will be 19 in november.
Im really nervous about getting married because, well im not the most beautiful person, im not skinny and walking down the asile to him is going to be so hard and seeing myself in a wedding dress.:vomit:
but we have been getting in so many fights lately. over stupid stuff. im stressed out about my grandpa (another post in a few min's )
and he always wants to hold me and i tell him NO. that i dont want him to. and he gets so mad at me makes me feel so guilty. then my little sister always takes his side no matter what the problem is.
and i kind of want to get married sooner rather then later because i want my grandpa to walk to down the asile. because i know he isnt going to be here much longer.
I just dont know what to do. im sorry this is a little everywhere. but its exactly how im feeling inside. my emotions are everywhere. andim trying so hard to stay sain.
thanks to anyone who reads.
and im sorry if it sounds like im complaing.

 

[alli713]

If you aren't sure you want to get married, don't. If there's issues now, they aren't going to magically disappear when you get married. Many times it only gets worse if there's issues before.

Personally, I see marriage as a big decision, and if there's any doubt in your mind, then you shouldn't take that step.

There's no reason to hurry just so your grandpa can see you down the aisle. I mean, so then what happens in a couple years if you aren't able to fix your issues and you divorce, do you think that would have made him happy? I'm sure he would have preferred you wait and be happy.

Just how I see it anyways.

 

[guiltyby_design]

I agree,
just since i was little i have always dreamed of him walking me down the aisle.
i just want that more then anything.

 

[AZChins]

I got married right after I turned 19. My husband and I argued like crazy for a couple months before the wedding, it was awful. You have to remember that the arguing is you learning to live with this other person. The arguments never really go away completely, but you slowly learn how to argue and how to resolve things quickly.

You get married when you are ready. You are so young, you have a lot of years ahead of you before you have to worry about the marriage and children thing!

I am sure that you will look beautiful in a wedding dress regardless. Don't get down on yourself. You need to do what makes you happy. I can tell you that I was pretty darn miserable the month before my wedding because I had to make sure that I fit in my dress. The strangest thing about my dress was that between the time that I bought it and the time I got married I grew an entire inch...so in the wedding photos I can tell that my dress was just a smidge too short. LOL I'm not a small person, I am tall and have very broad shoulders...it always makes me feel very self conscious no matter what. (My friends always say, you're so skinny!! God Bless them...)

Everyone in my family takes everyone else's side in everything over mine. They've done this for years. You have to form a bit of an emotional callous to that or you will go crazy. My family has driven me crazy many times. Then they wonder why I am upset at them. Don't let your family get to you! But, always think everything through before you react to them....sometimes it isn't even worth it to tell family members that you are upset and why.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But believe me, I understand.

 

[Ash]

Ditto what everyone else has said on not getting married before you're ready.

Here's my suggestion, though, on the grandpa thing, should he die before you get married. Is he going to be buried or cremated? If he's going to be cremated, keep some of his ashes to wear on your wedding day in one of those small canisters that go on necklaces. If this is too "weird" for you, or he's going to be buried, ask him for something of his that you could wear on your wedding day. Either way, it would be a piece of him to carry down the aisle with you. Maybe even a locket with his picture in it.

 

[FiaSpice]

I agree,
just since i was little i have always dreamed of him walking me down the aisle.
i just want that more then anything.

I know that feeling. I only have one grandma left and I truly wanted her to see me getting married next year... but it's not gonna happen (long story) She's old and not in perfect health so I'm afraid I won't have her see me walk down the aisle (if I get married some day).

You're young, you have plenty of time. You can still trow an engagement party so your grandpa can be a part of it.

I don't want to sound negative, but my ex-boyfriend tough that getting engaged would smooth things between us... it didn't. Sadly it ended with him breaking up.

 

[Snickers]

Everyone isn't beautiful and/or skinny you're just average like the rest of the world. If you have a good personality that should count for something then looks.

You're still young like everyone is saying. If you're both fighting and love each other how come you can't have a longer engagement. My engagement was 15 months and we dated 4 years before that. My husband wanted to make sure that his job was secure. We just celebrated our 26th anniversary last month.

 

[alli713]

I agree, there really isn't a reason to hurry. I mean, you should look and see if you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with him. Sure, divorce happens, but it's never fun.

My fiancee and I have been going out for 4.5 years and we just recently got engaged. I think sometimes it's great to go out for a while to get to know each other better and work through things.

 

[Bethany]

I'm married at 23, we were engaged for 4 years before we got married. I was like you, and wanted to wait. I kind of woke up one day and decided I was ready. If it is meant to be it will happen, there is nothing wrong with waiting.

 

[AngelBaby]

There is no reason to hurry. My grandmother is like a best friend to me, I love her more than anything in this entire world and I would love for her to be around when I get married and have my 1st baby but it's not a gaurentee that will happen. I am engaged and we plan on getting married probably in 2011 but no matter what I know in one way or another my grandmother will be there with me, wether in person or in spirit.

And don't be hard on yourself, there is obviously a reason you are engaged, he loves you for who you are. I'm sure to him you are the most beautiful woman on earth )

 

[Laurie]

First and foremost, you are a beautiful person! And that's evident and obvious by the love your fiance has for you. As someone who has recently lost a sister to cancer I know how scary it is for you to think of going through life without your grandpa and the thought of him not being around for your wedding is very scary to you. But as you love him, he will always, ALWAYS be a part of you and he WILL be with you on your wedding day, whenever that may be.
I got married at 21 and divorced and 28. I'm 46 and haven't been married since! I've been alone much of these past 28 years and happily so. I made many mistakes as a young woman. My first one was being terrified no one other than my first husband would ever love me. I have some advice to offer. Don't settle! You deserve nothing but the best. You deserve to be loved and cherished and if you're afraid you'll only find it with this one person, I can assure you, you won't! We are meant to love and be loved and I really don't think there is only "one" person out there for everyone. I think marrying young is adding pressure to an already volatile time in a person's life. You shouldn't have to start out dirt poor and without nothing, but often it seems in the young people that's what happens. Then to a new marriage there is the strife of never having enough money or enough "things"
Take time to enjoy each other! Take time to enjoy the time you have with your grandfather and think only of that for the short term future. You should really know your fiance before he becomes your husband, just as he should really know you. Marriage as anything, is really a lot of hard work. If only one party is working and the other one isn't, it simply will not work. At such a young age you shouldn't have to work on that relationship. You should be having fun, spending time with friends and family, enjoying school and work.
Don't tie yourself to such hard times as they often can be, at such a young age.
Most importantly, learn to let yourself be loved and held! Look in the mirror and be able to love yourself before you can love anyone else. When it's all said and done at the end of everyday and in everyway the only person that really matters will always be you!

 

[guiltyby_design]

Thanks so much guys for your kind words.
and everyone is saying i should enjoy him..
well sometimes thats just so hard.
He is Very jealous. and i have a few close guy friends i talk to. and he don;t like them and is always making rude comments about them and when i tell him to stop he gets super mad at me. when all i am doing is standing up for people i care about.
what should i do just stop talking to my friends to make him happy.?

 

[Snickers]

This might be wrong but I wouldn't give up my guy friends. He needs to trust you. If he gets so jealous now about them what is going to happen in the future with co-workers, friends from church, etc? It's not just making him happy you're both suppose to be happy in a relationship. I would wait to get married he seems to be so possessive.

 

[alli713]

Yeah.. I'm sorry to say that I don't think your relationship sounds all that trusting, which is what is most important in a marriage, that you can trust one another 100%.
I really don't think you should rush into marriage.

 

[Essentia]

Considering I agree with basically everything everyone else has said, I'll comment on the the prettiness aspect. I'm a big girl. Always have been. I wear a size 20/22 depending on the garment. I shopped for about 4 months before I finally made my choice on the wedding dress. If you find the right dress you feel beautiful, which is what matters. Your wedding is about no one but you and him. It honestly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you, most especially on that day.

Also, my husband and I also started arguing a lot a few months before we were getting married. We almost called off the wedding. Instead we decided to do relationship counseling and see how we felt about everything. Best decision we ever made. It helped our relationship so much. With your fiance being that jealous counseling can do a world of good...if he will go. I know some men are so stuck in their ways that they aren't willing to see that there is anything wrong, especially with them. If that is the case, I would not go through with the wedding. That just sounds like a horrible life to live.

 

[jmdebb]

Ditto on what Snickers said, so you are alittle heavy and you don't think you are pretty.. First of all, it shouldn't be about looks, it should be what is inside.. Secondly, just because you don't think you aren't pretty doesn't mean no one else does. I always said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it is. So look in the mirror and say "I am beautiful".

Second, agree with everyone else. Don't get married if you are not ready or just because you want grandpa to walk you down the isle. I am 44 and still not married and I love my father dearly, and really want him to walk me down the isle if the time ever arrises, but I wouldn't jump into it either just to have him do it. If I did, I would be planning my marriage right now, but I'm not sure I want to marry tim, so I won't because divorses are very, very messy. And i'm sure your grandfather would rather see you truely happy instead of partially happy.

If you are unsure, sit back and wait awhile. You may find out that he is the one for you, or isn't.. And if he isn't you will be so glad you did'nt jump into a marriage. Remember breaking up is much easier than a divorse.

 

[guiltyby_design]

since we are talking about looks i decided i guess id post a pic of myself so you guys can see me lol.

 

[Essentia]

Did you seriously just say you aren't pretty? Oh PFFT. There is a difference with being pretty and being skinny. You want to see what an amazing wedding dress can do for someone not skinny?

You want to know who our wedding was about?

That's it. Just us. We only had 11 people show up to our wedding, not counting the people in it. We invited more than 60. Was I upset? I was before the wedding. Honestly, during the wedding I didn't even notice. You are beautiful, and you will be even more beautiful on that day (with whoever you end up marrying, whenever that is), and your husband will think the same.

 

[guiltyby_design]

Thanks so much
That really made me smile & made my day so much better.
You looked so beautiful.

 

[mishellyshel]

I am sure there are a lot of marriages that last by getting married at that early age and even by waiting there is no guaratee (i didnt get married til 30 and got divorced about 6 years later) but rushing into it because you want your gramps to walk you down the aisle is not a good idea. being engaged is fun, enjoy it for as long as you can. i really liked the idea that someone mentioned about having an engagement party and walking in with your grandpa. that would make some great memories.
as for looks.......you are very pretty (and crysta you are gorgeous!) and obviously your fiance' thinks you are too!!