Maybe I'm just not a cat person... can anyone give me tips on these kittens?

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Without having read the whole thread completely (scanned):

My older cat likes Bitter Apple (or used to, I gave up on it). She was very good at knocking foil to the ground and playing with it. She was also good at figuring out exactly where teh gaps in the foil (once taped down) and the double-sided-sticky-tape was. She licked/chewed at the sticky tape.

The random "God" water spraying worked for tables and counters for her. Sometimes I'd tell her no first, sometimes not. She now "gets down" on command, but I rarely catch her on surfaces she shouldn't be on (who knows what she's up to when I'm not around, but I almost never find evidence of her having been on it). One thing I did find, though, was that if there was something she thought might be interesting, she'd go up there more readily, with or without me around. When I lived in a place that there was a nice big window overlooking the yard by the kitchen sink, it was almost impossible to keep her off it (that and living with a roommate who didn't get why I thought it was a problem...). But every place I've lived since then hasn't had an interesting window (they've had windows, just not interesting views), and we've been fine.

I recently got a new cat, about a year old. She has no compunctions about getting onto the counters and eating whatever she finds up there. I got a Ssscat, and since getting it, even when it's not turned on, I have not been coming home to evidence of kitty naughtiness as frequently. the Ssscat is nice because it's compact and can just be pushed out of the way, unlike the foil or ScatMat or tape methods. It wasn't too horribly expensive - they sell them at my local WalMart.

Teach the kittens to allow their nails to be trimmed. It keeps the destruction down. Kitten nails grow fast, so be prepared to do it frequently. Or try SoftPaws. Tenectomy cats NEED to have their nails trimmed, they have a harder time removing the nail sheath and are more prone to overgrown claws. Declawing is a solution of last resort IMO, but if done appropriately with good pain management, can lead to a better solution for everyone. But it won't do anything for the rambunctiousness, the knocking things over, and otherwise getting into trouble. It'll just do something for your furniture.

If the cat tree/scratching posts aren't in locations that are convenient to the cat, they are not going to use it as much. Sometimes rearrangement is necessary. Use toys to entice them to use the post and tree. Kittens don't respond to catnip.

Kittens have attention spans of about half a second. Which is why the squirt bottle needs to be applied frequently. Also, if the "reward" for the naughtiness is worth more to the kitten than the "punishment" (the water), then they are more likely to go back to the naughtiness. Squirt (preferably with them not knowing you're tehre) and at least some of the time, try to distract - throw a toy or something.

Kittens are exhausting, entertaining, frustrating and crazy. But oh so cute. It does sound like adopting an adult cat might be a better solution if you really want a cat, but with a lot of patience and a bit of creativity, I think you'll make it through the crazy stage. They'll be crazy idiots for at least a few more months, and start to settle around a year. If you're lucky.

:)
 
Taking a cue from equus' advice, another way to help make the scratching things more interesting is frequent rotation. In the house I'm in now, there's a scratch tree in the upstairs hall and one in my room, 3 in the livingroom, 1 in the owner's bedroom, one in their son's room, and 2 in the basement. They're all switched around at random so that the 5 cats living here can't always scratch the same thing in the same place. Since each one has their favorite scratching surface, it makes them want to scratch the proper things more to claim their 'spot' back.
 
Well, I moved the plant to my bedroom, and I'm currently not allowing the cats in there until they get a little bit older...

The cheap toys that people suggested they LOVE. Like the wadded up paper, the hair tyes, and stuf... I dunno if I posted this before, but I found a lazer pointer and they are HILARIOUS chasing after the thing. Hahahaha.

I was just looking today at websites that are selling the scat mat, but I hadn't come across the ssscat before, I'm gonna check out that link posted (above) later when I have a chance and see... thanks for the links and the posts...

I didn't think to move their scratch posts/pads around, I'll have to do that...

ETA: I have started carrying around the squirt bottle wherever I go, and I'm trying to not let them see that it's me squiring them. So far, no change, really, they're highly amused by my kitchen-table/chairs/chin-cage (which are all in reach of one another) but I imagine it takes some time...
 
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As for the declawing thing. Most vets refuse to do it now anyway since the invention of "softclaws" or "soft paws" same thing, different brands. they are little rubber caps that fit over the claws and are glued in place with nail glue. with these on they cant shred anything and cant destroy your furniture. they last a couple weeks before they start falling off and have to be replaced.

I have heard of people putting black pepper in the soil of their plants to keep cats out.

and other than that, stay consistant.

I might offend some people by this, but if my cats are doing something really bad, i WILL scruff them and give a little smack on the bum. now this isnt for something like knocking something over, but if theyre jumping on counters or up in screenless windows. Id rather give them a little spank than have them jump on a hot stove by accident, or fall out of my 2nd story window.

I have a 5 or 6 monthish kitten now and believe me, it gets better, she was a total terror. and i never believed it would happen, but she IS calming down and actually becoming a pleasent member of the family. slowly, but its happening!
 
The only thing I've ever seen striking a cat do, Elvira, was teach it that humans will hurt it and make it harder to live with. If that hasn't happened to yours, I'm glad you've had better luck than the dozens of families that gave their animals up to the rescues I've worked with.

That said, OP, I looked into the Ssssscat last night at Walmart (since I have a chin cage to protect from 5 inquisitive cats and a dog here) and found $30 plus $10 each refill a little more than I can afford. They were much less expensive on Ebay, both the unit itself and the refills.
 
Its not like i'm hurting them. Ive tried loud sounds or yelling but my one cat seriously just makes this strange little chatter sound when she knows shes doing something wrong and ive told her to stop, then keeps going. its like shes backtalking or complaining lol. and the spray bottle, well if theyre doing something bad, they stop as soon as they see it so they KNOW its wrong. With a little spank at least im reinforcing that they're not to do it. and all they do once i put them down is turn and give me the stink eye.
 
Having open, screenless window is just plain out neglectful and dangerous, not only for the cats, but any animal.

Keep with what you're doing, greychins, it sounds like it's getting better for you! And look into the Ssscat!
 
A little off topic, but just a friendly reminder to make sure your window screens are locked in/installed correctly. Sometimes over time, they may get a bit loose. Especially with the fall season coming around and a lot of kitties like to sit by the window, chasing falling leaves.

One time, One of my window screen locks wasn't properly locked. As a result, one of my cats who loves to run back and forth chasing the falling leaves, attacked a leave that was pressed against the window screen and pushed it loose. She fell out of the 2nd story window onto our back porch. Luckily she was fine, just a bit shell shocked from falling out and our screen had a few holes from her clutching on to it a bit. She was fine after she discovered she was surrounded by all these dried, crinkly leaves to play with, lol.

So it's always good to check and hopefully this doesn't happen to anyone else. Curious kitties = more accident prone in some odd/funny ways.
 
I actually decided they'd be better off somewhere else and I found them a new home, just a few days ago. Even with me playing with them for 2+ hours a day they were still destroying all of my stuff and driving me up the wall. I understand it takes awhile to get cats off the furniture and things like that, but I got to the point where I felt they'd be happier with someone who didn't care nearly as much about if they were on the furniture, shredding the toilet paper, reducing bath towels to shreds, and so on. That's fine for some people, but it was driving me slowly to the edge.

The home I found for them thinks that kind of stuff is "cute" and doesn't mind if they're on the furniture, climbing the drapes, shredding the tp, and so on - and I'm sure they're happier there, where they're not constantly getting sprayed with the water bottle and can get up on alll the furniture they want. I think it was the best decision for them...

I do thank everyone for all their help, in that it did help somewhat, but I just learned that I am not a kitten person and I do not have the patience and tolerance to deal with kittens. If I ever get a cat again (which would not be for awhile, if ever), I have now learned that I would probably do best getting an older, mellow cat.
 
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