I'm struggling with this

[Riven]

I didn't read all of above posts so if I repeat, I'm sorry. My friend recently lost her husband to cancer, he was 24 years old. She's pregnant with their second child, mother of a 3 yr old, and widow to a wonderful man and soldier at the age of 23 ( she's now 24), when she told me and said that Dusty was gone and not to be worried or sad for him, I told her I don't worry about the ones who aren't here, it's the ones who are still alive I worry about.

Firstly I'd like to address her sons. Were they always distant from their mother and uncaring or just at the end. It might not be that they didn't care or "couldn't find the time" but more so that they were not able to face it and see the mother they loved in her condition. I don't look at people at funeral... I want to remember them how they were, not laying in a casket. I know this may seem like a bad example but I lost my favorite dog ( don't tell the others! ) to a late in life spay ( she was 11). Other complications where found and her mom had cancer so that's what we're suspecting played a big part in it. Her mom was my dad's favorite dog, I've never seen a dog like her, she'd do ANYTHING for him, it was amazing. She had cancer and they cared for her best they could, until she couldn't even walk, they had to carry her out to go potty, etc. Although they kept her as comfortable as they could and did everything they could for her, mom wishes they wouldn't have. I lost Chelsie, but I get to remember her jumping in the car happy to go for a ride, when we went to the vet to see her we knew she probably wasn't going to make it, but she tried to get up when she saw me. Mom remembers Flash unable to walk, belly fat with a tumor, loss of bowels, and in sad shape.
What I'm trying to say is, maybe it was too hard for them to see their mom like that. If they were always distant and uncaring, then they're probably just morons for it, but if not please don't blame them, they lost a mother just as you lost a sister.

As for the holidays, she may have been the brightest log in the fire, but that is no reason to let the fire go out. Even if you don't celebrate in normal fashion, get together with your family, you guys need each other especially right now, and be grateful for what you still have. It will be hard, but don't look back and say, I should have... Perhaps you guys could even start a new tradition if old ones are too hard. Instead of gathering for Thanksgiving dinner, get together and volunteer at a soup kitchen, or someplace like that. It would probably be good for you all in many ways, although you have lost something great, you still have lots of things to be grateful for!

 

[Rebecca]

I don't really have anything to say that hasn't already been said. My thoughts echo everyone else's, and ily!

 

[Spoof]

Mine too, you're a strong person and like someone mentioned earlier... you're never alone. )

 

[Tiatrack]

I haven't read all of the responses, but my brother died suddenly at age 39, 7 years ago. Our family decided to scrap our usual holiday traditions because it was too sad for us to not have him. Instead we spent the holiday helping others. It is a tradition we still do now. It feels SO good to help others and it takes your mind off of the pain. This year for Thanksgiving my mom and I are feeding the cats at the shelter in the morning (a kind soul makes them fresh turkey!) and in the afternoon we are doing Meals on Wheels. We love giving back to our community.

 

[ChilliPepper]

While I have not yet lost my dad, this will be a hard holiday for me as the youngest child. Every year, my mom puts out 3 or 4 trees of different sizes and themes. My dad always hauls out the boxes and gets the trees up and hangs the garland. Well, this year as I mentioned in my thread about my dad, it will be different. It hit me last week when the biggest thing we were worried about was the broken back that this year won't be the same Christmas at Mom's. It is a hard realization that things will never ever be the same for my family. I don't know how much time we have.
Maybe you should plant a living tree in Lisa's honor. Another thing is you could all pick a thing given to you by Lisa as a gift and do a random gift exchange- wrap them all in the same paper and put them under the tree, then each pick one.
You can't push it under a rug that she isn't there with you. But you can choose to make it a celebration and give thanks for the years she blessed your life.