I am so not ready for this...........

[eroomlorac]

My youngest child just turned 21. We had a great night out on the town and it was so fun. All my kids were their and many of their friends.

My youngest has a buddy who's girlfriend just moved out of their apartment and is paid up 4 months ahead in her half of the rent. She doesn't want her money back she just wanted to break up and move out from the guy she was living with. My son is moving into the apartment rent free to live with this buddy of his. Then they will get another apartment and split the rent. That's all fine and dandy.

BUT............This is my last child moving out. My baby. I will be all alone after this. I'm kind of scared, kind of sad, kind of nervous, already kind of lonely. I'm not sure I want to be alone. I never dated when my kids were still minors as I didn't want the hassle of trying to maintain a relationship with a man and raise my kids. I also didn't want any other person interfering with the way I chose to raise my kids. But recently I have been ready to begin dating again as I don't want to grow old alone. Last year I did meet a man and we became very close but I don't want to leave the area where I live as my children, grandchild and father is here and he doesn't want to leave his home area, either, for the same reasons. We remain close but It's just never 'going to happen' as a long term,permanent relationship..........though I do love him dearly and he loves me back. We spend hours and hours and hours each week on the phone and I have been to see him once and will be going back again in the very near future. And believe me, I was treated like royalty when I was there. Never had I been so spoiled in all my life. Money, time, distance traveled was no object. It was like a fairy tale dream come true. But, be that as it is........

I am so sad my children will be all gone. Actually, I'm a little terrified and I don't know why. My three children are all in the area, none are out of state or anything. I am just so afraid to be entering this next phase of my life and to be honest I'm entering it kicking,crying and screaming. I'm sure I'll adjust and I'm sure I'll get along fine. It's just going to be so different for me...........

:broken::cry4:

 

[alli713]

Aw, I'm sorry Carol! You sound a lot like my mom, she was just about crying the other night because next week I'm finally leaving home for good. I was gone during college, but now it's permanent. Lots of moms have to go through this!

It might seem hard now, but I'm sure you'll do great and be very happy! )

 

[Luci]

*hugs*

sometimes i wonder how my parents handled me going off to college. i was the baby and i was the one who moved the furthest away, only coming home for christmas, and summer, with a few random visits in between. trust that you're never alone if you have us, and your chins. i truly believe that my dog sandie became the 3rd daughter after i left. i dont know what to say regarding how they felt, but i do know that as a kid who left, i missed home dearly. i always wanted to go back and being away has made me realize how much i still need to learn from my parents. your son will still visit and go to you for help. even though we're "growing up", we never stop needing you.

as for dating, it almost sounds as if you've found "the one". long distance relationships can be worth it if both people have the same goals. i know neither of you want to move, but what abut meeting halfway? i just feel like whoever else you date, you may compare to him. but i could be wrong. my sister once told me that we have many soul mates.

regardless, youre thinking too much! take it one day at a time and trust that things will unfold as theyre meant to. its a new, completely different phase of your life. be a bit excited about it too, though. and like i said, we're always here.

 

[mishellyshel]

:grouphug:

 

[tunes]

Carol - I am so with you on this. I'm not yet to that point, but believe me, it weighs heavily on my mind. My boys are sophomores this year. In 3 more years, they will be gone. Taking Rhiannon to college was just awful, I can't imagine when I lose both boys at one time. They will come home and visit on holidays and probably during the summer, but it's not the same. Once you leave home, it's never the same. You're the parent, but you're just outside of their lives. Where once you would say "No, you cannot go there, it's not safe", now you have to say "That's probably not the safest place to go. You might want to think about it."

It's also entirely different when you're a single parent losing your kids. When you have a spouse, you have someone to do things with, someone to go places with. You're never truly alone, even though you suffer through empty nest syndrome. It's just not the same as that gaping hole, that empty house, when you're a single parent and all your kids are gone.

Luci - It's hard to take it one day at a time. Carol and I are both in that dreaded "middle age" bracket. The swinging single days are long gone, the kids are raised and off, and you're heading into the "old" part of your life. The part where when you were young, and your parents were there, you thought "wow, they are OLD." You wake up one morning and think - OMG, I'm my mom!

Carol - Hang in there. Keep your friends close, they'll help you get through this. Talk to Tony, even if you can't be together in all ways, just having a good friend who really understands you will be such a help at this time. I live in an incredibly rural area surrounded by incredibly old people. It really drags you down. I rely heavily on my ladies I've met through the chin world to keep me up and running. They are only a text, phone call, or email away.

 

[ruoc]

Awww I can imagine how hard that must be for you. My kids are not there yet, but our oldest starts university soon. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere, to keep busy. As for the relationship, I'm not sure what to tell you, I'm not single. But I do agree 1000% about your reasons for not dating when the kids were younger. Things will work out for the best in time.

 

[caiti]

You guys should talk to my mom. While my parents are still together after, man, like 40 years, so she probably can't advise on the relationship aspect (I can say the guy sounds decent and really, it seems people who really want to be with eachother have a way of working it out on some level without really even consciously trying). BUT she always tell me she misses her kids (my older brother and I, he is in SC :cry3 then I come home and 24 hours later we're trying to kill eachother, in that loving mother-daughter way. So now, whenever she says she misses her kids I call her crazy and tell her she would get so sick of me if I stayed there for more than a day or two (I'm expecting there to be fun times when I move back home!!!). She says she knows, and we would probably rip eachother to shreds and that I'm right blah blah.

My parents seem to really like living sans offspring. I think they just like the idea of us kids, but when reality comes--they're like "ugh, god, not you again" haha.

Plus, in this day and age, I wouldn't be too surprised if at least one of them ended up back there at some point until they could afford to leave again!! I think you'll get used to it and learn to like it honestly, just give it time and figure out the things you really want to do--the things that make you happy that you are able to do and do them!! Read good books, start drinking milk directly from the carton, grow your own vegetables or spices, find cool postcards to write your kids so they get a kick out of it and ring you up and buy a huge box of choco tacos knowing NO ONE will ever steal one!!!

 

[eroomlorac]

I'm sure I'll get used to it. :tantrum:

 

[Sandi]

Carol, I can't even imagine being in your shoes nor anyone else's who's kids have left for school or moved out on their own :hug4:. Barry is already planning on where we are going to move after the girls leave for college. :banghead: Oy, men! I told him he could move in with his mother in Florida and I'll stay here. Anyway, maybe you can try and fill some alone time by volunteering somewhere, just a thought. Hang in there.