How do you deal with ignorant people?

[CJR]

So once upon a time, I was at a pet store my friend works at... a customer and their child came in wanting to buy a friend for the chinchilla they currently have. My friend referred them to me. The customer had brought their chinchilla with them and asked me to sex it. The chin was female. The customer then asked what friend would do well with her chinchilla.

I suggested one of the young females that had been recently weaned, because they are friendly, only ten weeks old, and well socialized.

"No, we want a boy. We want to breed them."

This was the first time I'd been presented with this, and I explained to her why it's not a good idea, but she gave me the "well my mom bred chinchillas when I was young and we didn't have any problems" line.

Long story short, I ended up walking away lest I start screaming obscenities. She ended up purchasing a crappy quality male to go with her crappy quality female.

How do you deal with people face to face without offending them? How do you "be nice", so to speak? Please give me some pointers... thanks.

 

[chinnychinchinchilla]

let me know when you find out

 

[Laurie]

Not to be mean or blunt but you "man up" and offend them. They are strangers, complete strangers and you don't work at the pet store therefore you can't get fired from the pet store. So it would have perfectly fine for you to say well then since you won't listen to my advice there is nothing I can say. Good luck with your chinchillas producing quality kits. You could also say I feel sorry for the chins in your care as most likely they won't receive the care and nurturing they so deserve.

We don't have to be nice all the time--we don't have to be pleasant so don't feel you always have to.

 

[eroomlorac]

I don't think there is much you can do. People are going to do what they want to do with their animals. Unfortunately.

 

[Christina Noraas]

Maybe print off a few of those breeding horror story pictures and keep them in your purse or something.

 

[DevnChip]

I keep hearing "you can't fix stupid" in my head. These are the same people that won't take a budgie or a hamster to the vet because you can get another one for 20 bucks. Trying to tell them a breeder horror story or show them a pregnancy assist vet bill won't change their mind because "that happened to you but won't happen to us". I feel sorry for the chins but I think you did the right thing. You tried and they ignored you. Insulting them might make you feel better, but I doubt it would stop the sale.

 

[Essentia]

I get emails all the time about wanting a breeding partner for their current chin. When it comes to these emails I don't try to be polite. I am direct, and to the point. Are they going to go somewhere else and get a chinchilla to breed? Most likely, but at least it isn't one of my rescues. Like DevnChip said, unfortunately you can't fix stupid. All you can do is tell them the reasons they shouldn't, which in the case you mentioned, you can't really be polite about.

 

[PetoftheDay]

My late mother would say "Kill them with kindness, even if it's killing you inside." Stay nice, educate them as much as possible, and if you have to, tell yourself it's an acting gig. Once you get angry outwardly, they will just dismiss anything you say, and nothing will be accomplished.

Theater, dear, theater!

After my mom passed away, one woman said to me "I don't know how she did it, but your mother was great at getting everyone to wok together without hating her, or each other. I don't know how she did that!"

So her methods did work!

 

[~SG~]

My late mother would say "Kill them with kindness, even if it's killing you inside." Stay nice, educate them as much as possible, and if you have to, tell yourself it's an acting gig. Once you get angry outwardly, they will just dismiss anything you say, and nothing will be accomplished.

Theater, dear, theater!

After my mom passed away, one woman said to me "I don't know how she did it, but your mother was great at getting everyone to wok together without hating her, or each other. I don't know how she did that!"

So her methods did work!

Sounds like great advice!!

 

[AZChins]

I agree with Laurie. There's no real harm in offending strangers. The worst thing that can happen is that you become an amusing/strange story for them to tell all their friends later on.

I always tell people like it is when it comes to breeding chins. If they don't have or want to spend $1200 for a c-section, well, they shouldn't be breeding. There is always eventually a problem that arises when people breed chins. Breed them enough and there's going to be something expensive happen! Quality aside, just having the kits be born alive with an alive mother is hard enough.

Sometimes people don't learn. I had someone call me at 1 am a few months ago. Their mother chin died after she was in labor for a long time. They sent me an email the next morning that everything was alright because they had already found another female chin to take her place and they had put her with the daddy. I never even bothered to respond to them....they told me that they couldn't afford to take the chin to the vet and that they could get the goat's milk with their food stamps to feed the motherless kit. Needless to say, these people never bought a chin from me...

Anyway...did I have a point besides hating people? I don't know.

Stick to your guns. Tell people what needs to be said because you love the little chins much more than you love those people! If they need to be told off, so be it. I tell people off all the time when they are wanting to breed and not do it the right way. The funny thing is that they get mad and never consider that I am giving up money when I refuse to sell a chin for breeding. MAYBE I'm trying to be helpful?

 

[CJR]

Yeah... I told her about miscarriages, emergency c-sections, the lack of quality vets in our immediate area (closest vet I really trust is Angie Keffer, about 3 hours away in McKees Rocks), I told her about the two-headed kit that someone on here had born, the six-legged "alien" kit... She just stared at me like I was a freak.

"Well, we used to breed them when I was little and never had a problem."

Yeah, I bet you didn't have a problem that you recognized. It's like that time I was talking about chinchillas and someone chimed in, "Oh, I had a chinchilla once! It lived a real long time!" I asked how long it lived. "Four years! It liked to take showers with me!" :wacko:

My friend thinks I am too uptight about chinchillas. He's a biology major as well but he specializes in reptiles/amphibians. I've explained to him how chinchillas are sensitive and he tells me, "I don't think they are as sensitive as you think they are."

Well, yeah, maybe the dirty-bellied chinchillas suffering in the pet store he works at aren't 'sensitive', but maybe that's because they don't have a CHOICE. They can either tolerate the temperature, overcrowding, breedbacks, poor ventilation, etc or they can die.

Not to mention, of course a low quality chinchilla (with junk fur) isn't going to be as sensitive to heat as a well bred animal (with thicker, more plush fur).

I'm sorry, I just realized how angry I've gotten myself.

</rant>

 

[PetoftheDay]

Hey, you may not know it now, but there's always a chance that your words sank in, and ill percolate around her brain for a while, and her chinnie will end up better off because of you!

Sending you a hug for trying!

 

[ticklechin]

Even those here on the forum who have no money for C sections nor a clue about chin care in general still breed even after reading the horror stories, being told that their chin could carry genetic defects, being told their chin is a rat faced thin furred 350gm pitiful looking animal, they do not listen and will do what they want to do, regardless of what is right for the chin.

 

[starleomach]

You can't let people upset you. They are going to do what they are going to do. All you can do is present information. I don't get upset although I will admit recently a few times..In a very calm voice...I mean so calm I alarmed my husband....I have said. "I would (fill in the blank) neck of each of my chinchillas before selling one to you".... It got the point across very very clearly. I will admit very innapropriate but It is usually after long conversations of trying to help someone understand.

I wasn't upset but they didn't understand that I would not be selling them one.

I edited slightly since it is a family friendly forum. Mods feel free to delete all together if necessary

 

[CJR]

It's just so hard to not get upset. I agree that one needs to stay calm, I just don't know how. All I can think about is how bad I feel for the chinchillas. I get so angry because the animals are helpless in these situations, they don't get to choose their quality of care, they get what they get. It physically hurts me to see animals in pain because I care too much.

 

[AZChins]

Kristy...that's a little creepy. You really said that? That doesn't sound like you at all.

Calm is always better. You can say things calmly to people and they are better received. But, that doesn't mean that you can't say what you want to say. You can still be nice and say it.

 

[starleomach]

I know it is creepy...I normally would not say anything like that but you have no idea this woman was THE worst woman I have ever heard from. She was looking for a female to breed and kept saying do you have anything cheap? she doesn't have to be any good...Younger is better, my last female died and I didn't get to keep any babies cause each time she had a litter the dog would end up eating them.

She raised her babies in buckets..No joke BUCKETS mom was allowed loose in the room for 15-20 minutes at a time to feed the kits kept in buckets, Sounded to me like the female died from malo and she was looking to replace her. But she had never been to a vet and I tried to talk to her and reason with her and She was dead set, She was also a puppy mill bred 5 different types of dogs and didn't want to spend a lot on chinchillas as she had to use her goverment check to buy one.

I about died at the bucket thing. That wasn't even the worst and the dog eating the babies. When I told her that I would not sell to her and she shouldn't own animals, first she said fine I will pay your prices if I can make payments. I was like no I will not be selling to you....and I will be informing every breeder I can think of in the areas about you. She said please don't tell others otherwise they won't sell to me. I was like yeah...I am still telling everyone I can even think of.

She had her husband call me and harrass me on how upset I made her that I won't sell to her..it went on for a few days...finally I said firmly and calmly stop calling me, stop emailing me, don't contact me in any way shape or form I will never sell to you..If I even suspect it is you pretending to be someone I will not sell to you. I would fill in the blank, before selling an animal to you.

Me and Marshall were about to get the police involved. It isn't something I would normally say but I feel it was justified. I have never heard from them since, I warned others but I know of a few breeders near me who likely sold to her any way. I believe I kept all her emails. as proof of her looney behavior

 

[AZChins]

WOW. She sounds awful. Did you actually say that to her in person then? Be careful...that scares me that someone was that weird to you.

I'm not in Illinois anymore, I can't protect you!

 

[starleomach]

I said it to her over the phone. This was last spring so it has been a long while. I am always really careful especially now being pregnant. I do have the great advantage of Never being alone. With Marshalls buisness being run out of the house and His best friend Dave Sleeping at his house across the street but pretty much living here there is almost always 2-3 over protective guys around. It is a shame I can't seem to get any of them to fix the bathroom door LOL....

I always have someone here when I have an appoinment as well. I don't always let the people coming by know but usually if Marshall isn't home at least one of his friends is in the living room just hanging out till the people leave. Thankfully I never actually saw this woman it was all phone calls and emails.

 

[caiti]

I know what you mean, Ash. My friend is into neuroscience and works at a lab with a bunch of rodents, his dad is a biologist and his mom is a vet. He always tells me I'm overreacting and I'm like "Look it up. Ask your mom for some literature or if she knows any vets that have owned chins, jeez!!". I don't know, sometimes I think he believes me and he'll tell me he actually trusts my knowledge on the subject but then he'll just rip on me about freaking out because "everything can kill chinchillas". I actually let him talk me into letting his two small dogs sniff Chloe's cage when she was home with me. They sniffed the cage and got overly excited and wanted to play/eat her or whatever their intentions were and I grabbed her cage (travel cage, I was on my way out the door) to get her away from the dogs. They didn't do anything to her like bark or paw the cage, but I could tell they were getting all riled up and super curious. She was overly jumpy for the next week to me, go figure, since it was a stupid mistake on my part. He kept telling me that animals deal with things differently and get over things quicker than people. True, animals deal differently but putting a predatory animal with a prey animal is going to make lasting impressions on at least the prey animal. They remember things that effect their survival.

As for what to do with the frustration you feel towards people who you cannot reason with, I am at a loss as well. I don't know if there is a healthy way to deal with it or if you just try to mentally disassociate yourself from the situation. I guess my advice would be try not to make yourself responsible for all these animals, even though you sympathize greatly with them. You'll stretch yourself too thin and break. There are so many things in life that make me feel the way you are feeling now. It would be naive of me to try to only acknowledge these things within my own little bubble of the world, but that's all I can do sometimes.