caiti
Well-known member
Thanks for the overwhelming support, everyone...really. I know all your advice is correct; cheating is a deal breaker for me as well and I had told him that. I know he's a jerk and I can do better and I will be ok, but sometimes it's hard to make myself feel that way even though I can rationally know it (if that makes any sense...). I have been trying to stay busy and the fact that I started a job a couple weeks before all this happened was good and bad. It was a great distraction but also I probably haven't been on top of my game.
I am quite tempted to write him a letter back. I've gone so far as to write it, thinking it would ease my temptation and it has a little. I don't intend to send it, maybe it's just cathartic as a journaling thing and that's why it felt good to write it. I am afraid I will kind of go down a slippery slope and send it. It doesn't say anything controversial or embarrassing, but I'd rather keep him severed from my life at the moment. I know there is nothing I could say to him or him to me that would make me feel any better but I still have this unreasonable urge to test that. You know that gut feeling you get sometimes when you're trying to decide what to do and the gut feeling is you knowing what you've decided to do before you admit to yourself you've decided? I kind of feel like that. Like I will contact him at some point and not to say anything mean or ask how his relationship is, just to say hi and I am afraid I won't stop myself! It doesn't make much sense, and I don't do well with things that don't make sense.
Meanwhile I'm continuing to go out with friends and graciously declining their offers to burn his house down or slash his tires (they are out for blood, apparently, hehe) and try to put myself into work and find new things to do. The SS thing was and still is a great distraction since I was psyched for it since months and months ago...no break up was going to stop me from signing up this year, I was waiting since last year! Chloe's been getting so much extra attention she's probably sick of me.
It comes in waves, and I can see myself not feeling bad about this but not tomorrow or the next day or the next. Thank you all so much for listening, I needed it!! :grouphug:
I am quite tempted to write him a letter back. I've gone so far as to write it, thinking it would ease my temptation and it has a little. I don't intend to send it, maybe it's just cathartic as a journaling thing and that's why it felt good to write it. I am afraid I will kind of go down a slippery slope and send it. It doesn't say anything controversial or embarrassing, but I'd rather keep him severed from my life at the moment. I know there is nothing I could say to him or him to me that would make me feel any better but I still have this unreasonable urge to test that. You know that gut feeling you get sometimes when you're trying to decide what to do and the gut feeling is you knowing what you've decided to do before you admit to yourself you've decided? I kind of feel like that. Like I will contact him at some point and not to say anything mean or ask how his relationship is, just to say hi and I am afraid I won't stop myself! It doesn't make much sense, and I don't do well with things that don't make sense.
Meanwhile I'm continuing to go out with friends and graciously declining their offers to burn his house down or slash his tires (they are out for blood, apparently, hehe) and try to put myself into work and find new things to do. The SS thing was and still is a great distraction since I was psyched for it since months and months ago...no break up was going to stop me from signing up this year, I was waiting since last year! Chloe's been getting so much extra attention she's probably sick of me.
It comes in waves, and I can see myself not feeling bad about this but not tomorrow or the next day or the next. Thank you all so much for listening, I needed it!! :grouphug:
