Very sick friend.

[AZChins]

What do you do when you have a friend that is very very sick and you can't do anything to help her? I have a friend that I have known for years and she is very ill with some serious problems. I worry about her every day, but I feel like there is so little I can do to help her out. It's impossible to give her financial help because she won't take it, she won't take anything else without feeling really guilty. I worry about her feeling guilty!

I'm there for her and always will be no matter what happens. I have done this before for other people, who just take advantage of me. But with her, she feels bad about bothering me with any issues and always acts like there is nothing wrong.

 

[Lynn & The Chins]

When my sister broke her leg and was in a wheelchair for 3 months, she was pretty much helpless on her own. A good friend moved her to her house and took care of her.

What she learned from the experience was this: people actually WANT to help you, so don't be afraid to ask for some help when you need it; most of us feel that "Thank God, that's not me" and are more than happy to help out.

If your friend is as independent and stubborn as my sister, please remind her that people really DO want to help, and that no request is too small. Errand running, vacuuming, grocery shopping, gardening, the list is endless. I personally enjoy driving and shopping, so I'm always happy to go to the store for my neighbors when there's a bad snow storm or blizzard on the way.

Just keep offering and then do anything that you can see needs to be done without her asking -- surprises are nice!! My neighbor scraped my car off for me after he found out that I had started on dialysis, which was a very tiring job for me, but took him only a few minutes. God bless him and all who help others in need of help.

 

[summerdays]

this is a hard dilema.. i also have a friend that will never let you pay for anything or do anything for her, but yet, she will for you.

i know once tho, i did stop over and bring her a cup of coffee in the morning with the paper, and she said she really did appreciate it.. so, just maybe something simple might put a big smile on her face.. then she wont feel quilty for taking money or something big from you.

good luck, i do hope she will be okay

 

[cindyv3737]

Just be there for her. Be supportive and just be present. Let her know you are there for her.

I'm sorry you are both going through this. I wish her all the best.

 

[momenteller]

What about bringing her things that don't cost much money, so she doesn't feel indebted that way? If she is stuck at home, bring some DVDs or books from home for her to borrow? A chinchilla for her to pet? )

I'm sorry, Susan. I am the same way when I am worried about someone, I think about it all the time. Sending good thoughts to you, and your friend.

 

[lilchinchilla]

Just being a friend when it counts, is enough, Susan. You're worrying might actually make that person worry more, you know.

Also, sometimes it is better to cope with a problem if one tries to not think about it and likes things to appear that all is well. :innocent:

As well, sometimes people might feel too embarrassed to admit when things are not so great. From their perspective, they may not want to feel indebted to someone if that person gave them gifts for being sick.

 

[AZChins]

It isn't about giving gifts when someone is sick! It's about loving that person and making sure that they have what they need. I'm okay with that! Love and caring doesn't keep score, it doesn't feel debt, it doesn't care about anything more than just being there and caring and giving 100%.

When someone is my friend I feel that that person is family...and I would do anything for someone, who is truly family. My own family never allowed me to care for them or even try to love them, since they are all pretty much evil. (Anyone in my biological family, who may happen to read that, knows that they are evil and use me for financial gain or to just sort of creepily drop my name to other family members.)

That deep connection I feel to friends is something that may be my downfall, but I try to do my very best to help those friends when they are having a hard time. No need to ever feel embarrassed!

I have been seriously dinged in the past when "friends" have proven to be anything but friends. Still, I don't regret it one bit with helping them or sending them some cash or giving them cages or giving them what they need for their animals or kids.

*sigh* This lady, who is my friend, I will do my best to just be there for her and try my best to not make her feel uncomfortable with it. I'm willing to sacrifice for her...she is my friend and I think she would do the same for me...maybe more? Maybe I can be sneaky about it? hehehe

 

[mercynursie]

Well said Susan! As a child of God,I'm always lifting folks in prayer.But I also like to help out anonymously too!You would be amazed at what you can do without people knowing.You can pay someone to mow/clean yard just pay them and tell if asked who did it they are to say something along the lines of " a person who just told me they want to pray it forward".Around here we use that term to help out someone who needs it because at times others have done it for us.You can type a card and send cash or gift cards and do the same thing-borrow someone's address for the return addy to remain anonymous(I have even mailed something double wrapped to a friend who unwrapped her layer then dropped the pre-wrapped package back to post.

 

[Chinch]

My boyfriend's mother was seriously ill with pancreatic cancer, and really was dying in a terrible way, and didnt want to see anyone. The family was really well off, so they didnt need anything in financial terms, but she was confined to her room, and I sent her cards and flowers to brighten things up. She also was the sole cook in her family, so I made meals and brought them over to the house, to help feed her family, so that way, they were not ordering take out, and she didnt feel like her family was starving or eating unhealthily. Also, maybe if she has children or anything, you could do some things for them. Take them to a movie, to the park, to the mall, anything really. If it's just her, I agree with simple little things that show you care. Or, I know how terrible this sounds, but screw it if she feels guilty!!!! You love her, and care about her, and want to help her out. Clean her house, run her errands, do her laundry. You never know, she might protest it, and put up a fight, but maybe secretly, deep inside, she may truly appreciate it.

 

[Airyn]

Two of my closest friends were diagnosed with MS and Lupus in their early 20s. The one with MS went legally blind within the first three years. The one with Lupus is on meds that prohibit her from going out into the sunlight and recently developed RA. It's absolutely heart-wrenching to watch, but as Cindy said, the best thing you can do is be supportive and be present. My friends are my family as well, and both have told me that what they love most about our friendship is that I never treated them like anything had changed.

One thing I always try to do is make them laugh. They're burdened enough with their own thoughts and everyone else's worried looks. It's always the simplest things that make a world of difference, so be the one that makes her feel like a person rather than a disease. She's incredibly lucky to have a friend like you!

 

[Jenn]

I think just being there, by her side, says a lot to her about what kind of friend you are. If it were me, I would truly appreciate that. If she wants to talk, listen. If she just wants your company, be there for her. Maybe treat her a little with some baked goods...but really, it sounds like you are doing what you should be doing for a friend...you are there for her if she needs you.

 

[arf2184]

Just be a friend. Laughter and good food is always a plus (if she feels like eating).

I try to offer to run errands or do some cleaning or yard work or taking care of pet chores or something little that they aren't able to do for themselves, but won't feel bad about accepting. Also just spending time with the person if they want company.

I usually prefer to be left alone when I'm sick, but years ago when I was unable to work for several months and was stuck at home I was going nuts and was glad to have some company, even if we just sat around and watched TV or a movie or played cards or a board game. I also had some great kids (my cousin's kids) who came and cleaned cages for me. As much as I prefer to do that myself, for a while it was tiring to just stand up and frustrating that I couldn't do more than a couple cages before I needed to stop.