Does anyone have someone who wants to one-up them? Need advice!!!

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Raisinggrace

Raisinggrace

Mom to chinnie and rottie
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Messages
99
Location
Tampa, Fl
*** before you read this just note as a child I have been dealt a good hand and please don't judge me on what I own. I promise I am not stuck up and I always am volunteering at the shelter or horse farm and I genuinely help and care about others. However, I need some help!:hair:

So I basically my aunt and uncle have always tried to one up me in some type of way. It started a few years ago when I got my first 63" tv when the 1080p and all the high def crap came out, well they saw mine and went out and got a 73". then when the iPad 2 came out last year I got myself one for doing great my first year of college and so they went out and bought one too but they got the bigger gigs and pretty much said mine is crap because it only has 16gbs( it was 500$, I'm a broke college student and that's a lot of money). Then they got an iPhone 4 last year and have rubbed it in every minute they could, however I just recently got a 4s from my insuance on my old phone and they were like well that's crap and we have had Siri all along( which is true but it doesn't talk). Then on a trip last month I made the mistake of saying hey I saw these beautiful blue diamonds I was thinking about getting and I'll be damned if they go out and buy them the next day. plus I adopted the love of my life almost two years ago( my dog) from a high kill shelter and basically she is my life, it just so happens she is a rotti/ lab mix and they own two cocker spaniels and they think there dogs are like royal and they just said yesterday well your dog is pretty much worthless because she is a mix( in my own house, nonetheless)... This set me over the edge!!:hair:! My baby girl was saved from death row and beaten by some jack*** before she was dumped there and left to die. I saved her life and would never think twice about doing it again.

So I guess what I am asking now that I have rambled on and on is how do you guys deal with people who always want to one-up you? I am so over this and then they invite my family to a pool party this weekend and I am so dreading going. I guess I'm somewhat ok with them insulting me with materialistic things but when you insult my dog...then I get pissed. So any advice would be greatly appreciated or maybe something I should say to them? They are my aunt and uncle after all but I am just so tired of this being dragged on for years.
Thanks and any feedback would be great but I don't need any negativity. Thanks
 
Personally, if it were me, I'd say the heck with them and just stop communicating with them until they could act like adults.
You don't need that kind of "drama" (not the right word but will do) to deal with.

Not communicating with them might not be an option for you (I do it, because I'm an odd duck when it comes to family) but if you can't do that, maybe avoid conversations about new items that you get and when they talk about their items, just say "That's nice" or something like that.

Just my advise.
 
Materialistic things won't last forever, but a family will. You should talk to them about it, there must be a reason why. Maybe mention why they feel like they have to do better then you, a family shouldn't have to go aganist each other like that. As for them insalting your dog, I know how you feel about that. Luckily, it sounds like you have more control over yourself then me, because I wouldn't hesitate to say something back. That has gotten me in trouble in the past, guess havn't learned my lesson yet LOL.

Have lots of fun with your family at the pool party, don't dread it! It will get worked out hopefully soon! :hugs:
 
1-uppers are an interesting lot because they often don't know how to handle it if you react with grace to their bragging. One of my friends is dating a one-upper with severe little man syndrome (he has a $250 ping-pong paddle and just plays casually in the rec room). I started riding my bicycle to school, and he bought a motorcycle; he sees my old iphone 3G, he starts talking about his brand-new android phone. Since I will never be able to materially one-up him (I am a recovering 1-upper) since he lives with his parents and his girlfriend buys him anything, I go the less mature route- I show him the faults of his "better" equipment. The motorcycle he bought is a 250 and if the government found out he bought it on student loans, he could be in deep crap. His android phone has terrible battery life.
Not the most mature method, but if you instill a subtle feeling that what they got is not as good as they thought, they will stop bragging about it as much.

How should you handle it? With grace and humility, but that is no fun!
 
Thanks guys. I'm hoping it works out. I honestly don't care about materialistic things but I am just tired of being put down all the time. Like this has been happening for years and yesterday was icing on the cake.
 
Raisinggrace said:
Thanks guys. I'm hoping it works out. I honestly don't care about materialistic things but I am just tired of being put down all the time. Like this has been happening for years and yesterday was icing on the cake.
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Insult my stuff all you want, it can be replaced. Insult my animals- that is off limits. I have told people to leave over that.
 
There is some really good advice above.

Luckily, it sounds like you have more control over yourself then me, because I wouldn't hesitate to say something back.
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Me too! Some day the OP will get to an age where it doesn't matter. :p

You've got a couple of things going on;
1. You obviously respect and look up to your aunt/family
2. You want to be accepted into your family as a person of value
3. You want them to in some way to say "wow", that's awesome, and be impressed with something you do/have. (Striving to achieve and impress a family is a natural drive)

The new factor is your dog. Your dog isn't a material thing, it is now a member of your immediate family and due to being able to provide you with #'s 1-3 unconditionally it has taken higher priority than everyone else.

This is why you get upset when people say negative things about it. In theory it would be the same if you acquired a significant other.

Now that you can step back and look at the dynamics of what is going on, you may be able to do something about it. Sometimes families are hard headed and there isn't anything you can do.

Personally, I moved across the U.S. and found a new family. I do love my folks/etc but I can not spend very much time with them. After the first 24 hours it starts to get shaky. When I do go visit I'm no longer afraid to say something. If you do it in front of a group it can often shame the offenders into shutting up. Or, you can go my emergency style - eat a pack of the Fiber1 bars before you get off the plane, that way when things start to get heated in a few hours you can fart your way out of a sensitive situation. Yes, it really works! :rofl:
 
Hahaha I might take you on that fiber1 idea!!! Made my day better. And thanks so much guys I new te chin and hedgies family here would have some great advice. Thanks so much. I love my family and don't want to hurt there feelings but at the same time there is only so much one can take. But I'm going to try some of your guys suggestions
 
Just a few words that have gotten me far in life over many issues from my husband/daughter/parents/siblings and even strangers-"You will always LOVE them(as every Christian should) but you don't have to LIKE them".My hubby even asks (after we have a clash of wills) "Do you like me now,or am I still just on your gotta love list?" LOL
 
Life is filled with one uppers. you just have to deal with them.

your aunt/uncle/family. might be feeling down about themselves. because you are a college student or that you are younger than them and are out doing them. They dont mean anything about it with material things.

I understand how you feel about your dog. I would of probably told them to leave if they feel that way about my dog. I know everyone feels like they have the best dog/pet in the world but some things are just not said. there are nicer ways of saying it or not saying anything.

My brother's last two girlfriends were a one upper... and I wanted to slap both of them in the mouth everytime i heard them talk.... like this past week, I was talking to my little sister about my chinchilla.. and my brothers girlfriend chimes in about her chinchilla and how hers is better cause she's had hers since the chin was a baby and how much bigger her chin's cage was. and i tried talking to her about different things chins do (like we do on here) and it was nothing but My chin is better than yours type of conversation and I just left and ignored her. sometimes thats what you have to do. some people only want the attention on them.
 
So totally not worth giving a crap what they say, think or do. When I meet people I don't care for I just say to myself I am so glad I'm not that way. They will not change.
 
As a properly raised Southern girl, I would just smile and say "Why, how nice for you". And then change the subject to something to something that can't be one upped.
 
Susan -- I LOVE that!!!

Maybe, "Did I tell you that I am hoping to win the Blue Ribbon at the State Fair this year for my peach preserves???"

That should make them have to stop and think!!!
 
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