'Distant' relatives

[Jeanette]

Oh boy! Do I have a story for everyone!

Well, I have relatives that I see every once in a while (every 3 years or so) and I can't believe the drama in their lives! It makes me wonder how I'm actually related...

My 'cousin' was in jail because he broke his mom's wrist. He's insane and has major problems to begin with. My uncle told my aunt to go to the hospital and tell them that she 'fell' and it would be a family secret... yeah right.

So, she did what she was told... but her brother found out and called the cops on my cousin (who IMO should not be free, but in an institution). So my aunt goes down to the police station and tells them about my cousin and how he abuses her, etc. They call my cousin into the police station and hold him there.

Here's the kicker... my 'uncle' (pffft...) was at Hooters with my cousin while my aunt was home alone to cook for herself when they called my cousin into the station. She is under major pressure from my uncle to let everything slide. Then, she turns around and says that she wants my cousin back in the house (even though the law says he can't) and HIRES HIM A LAWYER. :hair:

S'cuse me... did I miss something here?!?
Oh, and btw, this was not the first time he was charged with assault!

Does anyone else have relatives like this?
I'm not a violent person, I have an education and not anything close to a criminal record... how did I turn out so different?

 

[Rickman]

Life is what you make of it.

 

[Spoof]

It's a mother-son thing. I'll probably never understand because I don't have kids.

My grandma did the same for my druggie uncle for years. Thankfully he finally died this year at 54. As much as he hurt them, she'd still bail him out or give him a place to live every time. Even the day grandpa died and he showed up drunk and demanding money - my dad and aunts ran him off the property but grandma still cried about it....

 

[Alicia4435]

Yep, I feel ya on this one. I have a cousin that is in and out of jail for various things from Domestic relations to bar fights etc. Not only that, but I also have an Aunt who is in and out of trouble aswell. She lost her children, abuses alcohol and drugs and lives with an abusive boyfriend.

We've given her a place to live numerous times so she didn't have to live out in the streets. My Gram and I have loaned her money numerous times and we yet to see a dime of it (even after my Aunt got a hefty settlement from SSD). My Aunt talks down to everyone, curses everyone out.... yet when she needs something she always butters everyone up. Its ridiculous and I'm totally over it, but my Gram isn't. No matter how mean and horrible my aunt is to her, my Gram still gives her money.

Yes, I understand that my aunt is my Grams daughter, but there is a time and place for everything. My aunt is 37yrs old, grew up in the same household as my mother and my other Aunt. There is NO excuse for her behavior! My mom turned out just fine and so did my other Aunt. Some people just really need to grow up and stop asking for handouts and other people to fix their mistakes. The horrible part is that my aunt won't realize what she's doing until its too late. But as I see it, she earned every last thing thats going to happen.

 

[InkedupTara]

I agree with Spoof. My step mom and her son have the same type of relationship, like they feel half way responsible, so they keep trying to fix something that they just can't fix.

 

[Parkerspetchins]

I think many parents will forgive their children for almost anything. It's called unconditional love. Sounds like this kid needs some "tough love" though :/. I agree Essentia, parents blame themselves for their children's faults and the guilt makes them willing to do almost anything to make up for it.

 

[Riven]

Sounds like the husband is a controller and abuser. Someone should tell your aunt that there are places that will help her get out of her situation.

She obviously told the police everything, which means she doesn't like it or think it's right, but as soon as she got home ( with the husband ) her story changed. Doesn't sound like a "crazy family" to me as much as an abusive relationship. Children who watch their father beat their mother ( or vise versa ) think it's the way things are.

 

[Diva Chins]

Here's the kicker... my 'uncle' (pffft...) was at Hooters with my cousin while my aunt was home alone to cook for herself when they called my cousin into the station. She is under major pressure from my uncle to let everything slide. Then, she turns around and says that she wants my cousin back in the house (even though the law says he can't) and HIRES HIM A LAWYER.

Umm...Heck no. Men don't go to Hooters just for the chicken wings.
When me and my fiance first started dating (I'm still not sure if he was serious or joking, either way I take it seriously) he kept saying "On my birthday I'm going to the strip club with my cousins" HAHAHA No. I got insanely angry with him and said "I will NOT be disrespected or disregarded in such a way. If you want to go to the strip club, you better hope and pray one of the strippers finds you attractive enough to date because when you come home, that's the only girl you're going to have." and gave him a huge speech about how strippers were only interested in his cash and if he didn't have enough money to do all the things he was complaining about (Wanted a new stereo, GPS system, etc) then his happy butt needed to stay at home. Oh my that makes me so mad. Then again my fiance didn't know my limits and the way I felt about certain things when we first started dating.
Having lived through men disrespecting me, I'd never do it again. At the crisp age of 15, I threw my dad's crap on the front porch and told him to leave because he threw a hissy fit and broke a $100 cell phone that my mom bought for him for his Birthday because it wasn't a camera phone. He said he could do better, I told him to go ahead and try. Thankfully mom wasn't home for that argument and I kept asking him "Please don't bring me into this, I'm tired of being in your arguments." and he kept going, finally slung the phone, broke it, and I snapped. My mom came home to cell phone pieces scattered, dad's stuff on the front porch, and me blaring metal music while sulking. He finally drug himself home at 3 AM drunk, passed out in the bathroom floor and puked. Mom got up and was going to move him, I wouldn't let her. He slept in a pile of his own vomit and I think it helped him to build character.
I hate it when people are in situations where the child gets dragged in and forced to act as an adult. My parents did that to me as soon as I hit my teen years and it's not healthy for someone. I completely understand where you're coming from.
While there is nothing you can do about it, she won't take help unless she wants it, you can at least pray. Other than that, the best thing to do is talk it out with a non-family member, one who you can say things to and it won't get back around (I made the mistake of ranting to a family member I was close to and it got slung back around) as you're doing now. I really do hope your aunt gets smart and decides what's in her best interest. You're never too old to find true love.

 

[Jeanette]

I really do hope your aunt gets smart and decides what's in her best interest. You're never too old to find true love.

Thanks. I've hoped that for a long time. But it won't happen. I haven't even begun to explain my aunt... And I won't really get into that. But let's just say that there's no changing her.

 

[Diva Chins]

Thanks. I've hoped that for a long time. But it won't happen. I haven't even begun to explain my aunt... And I won't really get into that. But let's just say that there's no changing her.

I hate seeing that...Deonna and Scott constantly fought, he was violent and she saw that, I even saw it when she'd show me the bruises (This was even when she was pregnant with Michael) and now she's dead. I'd like to think that if I could go back in time I could change it, but I know even if I could, I couldn't change anything because she was convinced she could change him. I just hope and pray nothing like that ever happens to another woman.

 

[3CsMommy]

Yes, there are members of my extended family like these, but I generally wouldn't acknowledge them if I saw them out in public. The ones who've managed to get away from the abuse most of us were raised with, yes, but the ones who keep going back for more... not really worth my limited time and energy, sad as it is to say.

 

[MyFuzzies]

Yes, there are members of my extended family like these, but I generally wouldn't acknowledge them if I saw them out in public. The ones who've managed to get away from the abuse most of us were raised with, yes, but the ones who keep going back for more... not really worth my limited time and energy, sad as it is to say.

The same goes for me too! The quality of your life is a result of the "quality" of people you allow into your life!! As someone else said, "life is what you make of it"....SO TRUE!

 

[Jeanette]

Sounds like the husband is a controller and abuser. Someone should tell your aunt that there are places that will help her get out of her situation.

Tried it...
She will go back no matter what. Don't try to understand it. She was in the hospital, rehab, etc. She just always goes back to that house because it's what she's known for so long. No matter what anyone says, she has this "but still, I want to go back" attitude.

Yea, he is a controller. I don't like him.

 

[arf2184]

Sounds like my relatives...I try to stay out of the family drama. Both of my grandmas were in abusive relationships at some point. My dad has 7 siblings and all have been or are involved in drugs and/or abusive relationships. Fortunately, my dad got away as soon as he could and managed to stay off of that path. My mom's sister was in an abusive relationship for a long, long time. Earl died finally, but now it seems my aunt has become an alcoholic and is possibly taking various perscription meds too. Mom has pretty much given up trying to help as my aunt has to really want it first.

A few of my cousins are currently in prison and a couple more are in and out of jail. A few of the younger ones seemed to be headed that way.

When we have get togethers of any sort, if I go at all, I make sure to drive myself so I can leave when I want to. They are my family and I want to stay in touch with some of them, but I don't want to get involved in their drama.

 

[Jeanette]

I just don't understand how someone could want to hurt themselves like that though.

And to tell you the truth, I haven't seen these relatives in years. My mom feels an obligation to my aunt because she loves her. But she will only go so far for her if she doesn't want to help herself.