My safe place

[Jeanette]

Hello everyone.

I haven't been here in over a year. But today I got an email wishing me a happy birthday so I thought I would come back to share a story.

I have missed being a part of this community. Spiny passed away a few years ago and there has been a big hole in my heart ever since.

Recently, that hole has become a lot larger. It all started just over a month ago... I was putting the finishing touches on my wedding plans. I had been with my fiancé for over 8 years and we were planning our wonderful future together. He came down very suddenly with a mental illness. There were no signs telling us that he would become sick. He is an engineer, working on his Phd and is a teacher. I was forced to move out, cancel our wedding and start over again. I wanted to stay with him, but his illness convinced him otherwise. I felt as though my whole life had been ripped away from me. He is no longer the same person and I miss him so much.

I really learned who my friends were in all of this. Two of my closest friends have turned on me. I lost my house and my job. My boss told me I couldn't stay because she was afraid that I would be forced to take off more time because of what was happening to my fiancé.

I haven't really told a whole lot of people what has happened. But I feel as though I can post it here because of the fact that no one knows me personally. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this.

Well, I am glad to be back. Hopefully I can find some comfort here, seeing all of the pictures of people's hedgies!! I'm glad that I can call C&Q my 'safe place'. (Ooops! I mean C&H! It's been so long!!)

-Jeanette

 

[smhufflepuff]

Welcome back.

I'm sorry all that happened. Severe mental illnesses are.... wow... I guess, they just "are" -- It's horrible watching some you love and who loves/d you be taken by them. How helpless you feel. I hope, with time, he'll be okay. Though I know your relationship is forever changed. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

But let's celebrate your return to CnH, eh? Happy return Welcome home.

 

[Snickers]

I am so sorry for what is going on in your life in such a short time. I hope you find some comfort on here. I wish you the best.

 

[Jeanette]

I was all set for my wedding.
Two of my closest friends were supposed to be a few of my bridesmaids. Anyways, they had bought and paid for their bridesmaids dresses. I consulted with them about how much to spend on them too.

Well, after my fiancé told me to leave my own home with nothing but my cat and a backpack (two changes of clothes), they started to ask to be repaid for the dresses! It wasn't even clear at the time wether or not I would just postpone the wedding or cancel it altogether. I wanted so desperately for him to get better and to be married!

I had received an emergency grant from the university I attend. But with owing the university $3k and having to pay first and last month's rent, I was pretty much wiped out. I told them all of the gory details and they even said to me "That's not a good enough reason." Actually, instead of asking for the money, one of the friends said "So when are you going to pay us for these dresses?"

I was floored! I've never asked them for anything. In fact, when one of their fathers had died suddenly, I rented a car and drove right down to them. (A bill of over $300).

It just goes to show you who your true friends are. They were the ones who accepted the financial responsibility for the dresses. Besides, they could have waited a wee bit after everything happened to ask me for money. It was less than a week after I was tossed from my home and my job before they asked!

I was thinking about giving them the money when I get a new job, but now I don't want anything to do with them.

What do you think? Do I owe them money?

 

[smhufflepuff]

Of course... because, as we all know, a properly used bridesmaid dress is worth big $$, but an unused one is saps extra money out of the purchaser each day that passes without a wedding.

Really? No. The situation is unfortunate all the way around.

If, one day, you have the funds and you want to use that cash to get the ex-friends off your back, sure. But otherwise no. Or if you were a complete bridezilla who insisted they pay thousands and then decided to cancel on a whim... yah... that might be good form. Or [insert other crazy idea here], then yes. But no... In the end, I'd say, "no." If they're really your good friends, chances are this kind of thing will even itself out over time... like with renting a car or whatever else comes up in life.

 

[Raindog]

Welcome back! I remember you from CNQ.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Mental illnesses are so difficult. I hope he is getting medical help and I would recommend, if you have the means to, for you to go to therapy. Maybe your university has something. This is way too much for one person to deal with on their own.

I agree with SMH, you don't owe those people any money. They agreed to the price so it is something they can afford. It really sucks that it takes something like this for for people to show their true nature.