My life, currently...

[tristanichole]

So...I guess I need a little vent time; for the good and the bad.

For starters, tomorrow I am going to go see the new Globe University that opened up about 30 minutes from my town. They have a Vet Tech program there. Right now I am going to school completely online for the Vet Tech program and I think that getting a ton more hands on experience would really benefit me. After I see it tomorrow I'll update on my thoughts. I'm excited to see what it has to offer and if it would be a better choice for me.

Now for the other things.
Last June we moved from central WI to SE MN - it was an unexpected move.
Long story short, we were living in one house in central WI and we found a place in the country that we thought would be perfect for us (we have 5 dogs and 5 cats in addition to the other critters and we were living in a lower duplex...we moved to a 4 bedroom country home for the same price). Right when we moved into the country house I found out that I might have cancer...3 months goes by, I have surgery, and I find out I don't have cancer...but what I DO find out is that our landlords want us to leave. We didn't do anything wrong...we were just scammed. They lost their barn renter, had us move in, then someone came along that wanted the barn but also the house...so out we had to go. We had 28 days to find somewhere to go with all of our critters. I searched everywhere...all over the state...and I found this place in MN (right near the WI border). We got to keep everyone, so we were very lucky. What is unlucky...we haven't seen any of our friends in the last year. When we lived in Central WI we saw them if WE went to THEIR town. When we moved 5 minutes from their town we still hardly ever saw them. They are all big into the bar scene and we don't do that often, so I guess we just suck...
Now we're married and I guess we suck even more...We haven't even gotten a phone call from about 98% of them. My husband struggles with this, but I say "oh well..." We're moving up in the world and they are still out drinking and working dead end jobs.

The real kicker, is that my "best friend" hasn't come to see me (with the exception of my wedding). My 7 year old sister pointed out the wrongs in that one the other day...
My husband says its time to just let her go because she only wants to talk to me when she needs a shoulder to cry on...

I'm sick of being everyone's shoulder and everyone's good advice...when is it my turn to have the fun too? She wants me to come there for her birthday in November and I said yes, but now I'm thinking I'm not going to...she can't come here once in the past year, but I have to go there??

None of my friends have responsibilities...or the ones that do don't take care of their responsibilities. When we want to leave town we have to set up boarding for our dogs and a pet sitter for the rest of the animals. When they want to leave town they get in their car and go. On top of that, most of them live with family and don't have much to pay for...I'm married and have been on my own since I was just about 18.

I told my husband that if my August she hasn't made time for me, I'm done with this friendship. She lives in central WI and can travel an hour north every weekend, or she can travel 2 hours to Madison to hang out with another friend on just about a monthly basis...or how about the fact that she is in Milwaukee (a good 4 hours away) for 4 days drinking it up at Summerfest??!! I have no problem with drinking...I'm pretty good at it :laughitup: but the fact that she hasn't made time for me one single weekend during the entire last year is absurd...

I do nothing but give advice to this girl when she needs it, give her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it, laugh with her when she needs it...but I get nothing back. I go to central WI quite often to see my family and have seen her a few times during the last year just meeting up at my mom's...
As far as the other friends go...when I've made plans in the past (before we moved) I've tried to organize things so that we can meet up with them at a certain time (I don't see what's wrong with that)...and all I get is **** talked about me for having to organize things "why can't they just show up" is what we have said about us...

Ugh...*sigh* I don't even know why I try anymore....I think I'm on the edge of being done...

 

[Chinniechantel]

I am so sorry, that is such a bummer. I totally understand you word for word and had the same thing happen but I am 26 which makes it even more sad that my friends still are only partying and maybe getting an ok job that pays enough to rent a duplex if they get lucky maybe buy one some day, no goals, no responsibilities, nothing. It is frustrating when you grow up and your friends don't, especially in a new town or state. I don't have a single girl friend in FL and I have been here 5 years. Sad, but no one is nice here. I have my husband and my animals and I am happy. I have acquaintances and stuff like that, but no best friend. She is too busy at home too, I get a drunken phone call every once in awhile when a dumb guy dumps her, but that is about it. Don't get a call when I am in the hospital or anything either. People suck, and I have better friends on the forum here than I do in real life. Oh well, just remember you don't need them and you will find new friends, it just is not that easy.

 

[tristanichole]

Yeah, ya know, and I have nothing against going out to the bars and hanging out...but in moderation and I am most certainly not still going to Grad parties!!! I mean, really!?!?

The girl that I'm talking about has really unrealistic goals for herself and gets with wrong guy after wrong guy. I know exactly what you mean about the drunken call when a guy dumps her...I get those same stupid calls...even though I warned her about the guy.

The other people I'm talking about - they all live in a town the size of my high school (1500 people) and no one is doing anything for themselves.

I get nostalgic when I look and see that other people were hanging out with them (on Facebook), but then I think to myself..."I've done that how many times and moved on, grown up, and they are still doing it."

I've been in this town for a year and I don't have a single girl friend either. There are a lot of people here that are here for the college (Winona State)...so I don't want to make a good friend if they go there because they'll just end up leaving, ya know? That and I feel like everyone has their established "best friends" and "groups"...I can't wait until I'm a Tech at the clinic that I work at because I'll be able to get to know all the girls better. Right now its hard because we're on completely opposite hours and I bump into them if I come in early at night or if I'm there late in the morning.

Its not that I feel totally empty or anything without a big group of friends...like you, I have my husband and my animals and I'm really happy with that...it would just be nice to have people to hang out with if we want to go out on the weekend from time to time.

We had a really small wedding...we paid for it out of our own pockets and just kept it really small (12 people including us). The people from the small town I was mentioning, they got really pissed off that they weren't invited. It wasn't ANYTHING personal against them - it was just that we couldn't afford to do anything huge and wanted basically just our parents there. A month later we get a call that one of the girls (who we aren't even close with) is visiting with one of the guys (from that town) who moved to a town about 30 minutes from us. I was REALLY ill that night and we didn't make it. I shut the phones off and went to sleep (I had a migraine). The next day I listened to any messages that were left by whoever and one was from this girl and guy. They forgot to turn the cell phone off and I ended up hearing just what they thought about us...how pissed off the girl was that she wasn't at the wedding (the guy was) and how the reason we don't come out is because "they can never find anyone to watch their 5 f-ing dogs"...that not only sent me through the roof, but it didn't even make any sense. We've had a lot of dogs for years and it never stopped us from coming out. Everyone hates that we have animals...but these animals are like our children and no one can make us feel any differently about them. What a *****...

Oh...and I should mention...Girl number 1 - her name is Lexy and I've been friends with her since 8th grade, which makes it all the more hard.
Girl number 2 I only know because she started dating one of the guys I was close with (originally my husbands guy friend)...she has absolutely no room to talk about anyone at all...She has a child that she hardly cares for (she lives with her parents and they watch the little girl most of the time and every other weekend she's at her fathers)...and she has another kid that she gave up for adoption that she sees once in awhile. She is 23...she had 2 kids before the age of 17 and she thinks she has the room to talk about someone who IS responsible??? Nice...

 

[FiaSpice]

I'm sorry about that. I see how you can feel because I'm 24, and most of my friends I had (while with my ex) where a bit younger than me, still in college having the time of their life living at mom's or dad's. It's hard to feell you're the grown up of the bunch, but one day I'm sure you'll be happy you'll be with other firends that sre more like you. I wish you best of luck in this.

 

[Jenn]

I was the first to get married out of my group of friends and life does seem to change at that point. My girlfriends continued to go out and date and party and wanted me to come along. But I just felt it was wrong to continue that kind of lifestyle now that I had a husband. Then it is hard to watch your friends continue to live the "young" life while you are dealing with responsibilities. I've been there, done that, but you realize that you're building a great life for yourself and your friends will eventually realize that you were smart to get your feet on the ground and make a life for yourself. I do think it is important when your young to go out and have fun, but everyone does eventually need to settle down, because there is much more to life than parties and being irresponsible. My friends and I continued to drift apart, even my girlfriend I had known since I was 5 years old. It just happens. You change, life becomes busier...I prefer to be a loner, but I found that once my kids entered school, you become surrounded with women who have similar interests, and you begin to make friends again. These will be lifelong friends. I am sorry your girlfriend doesn't value your friendship like she should, it is her loss. You could try talking to her about it, and making it known how you feel. She may just not realize how her actions are making you feel. It's also hard to make new friends in a new area when you're not working. But don't worry, you will meet people who will become lifelong friends, and you won't miss those "young" days anymore. And you have us - we're one big family

 

[tristanichole]

Yes, it does seem that Chins'n'Hedgies is like a family =0) Hence the reason I posted this...I wouldn't feel comfortable posting it anywhere else.

I have actually mentioned this to her once before...last year after my cancer scare I told her exactly how I felt and all she did was say "Sorry, I promise to make time for you"...
1 - she never did
2 - I don't need a friend who is going to pencil me in...how lame.

One of the reasons I'm hoping that this school I look at tomorrow is a good choice is because I'm sure I'll be able to make friends with people in the classes...people with the same interests as me!

It IS hard to be a young married couple, but more and more people we know are also getting married (not the ones we're having issues with). I just have to keep telling myself that one day soon I'll have a really good job under my belt, a good life started for myself, and a house and they wont...

I'm really excited to see this school tomorrow and I'm hoping it fits the criteria I'm looking for!

 

[Jenn]

Good luck tomorrow! Let us know how it turns out!

 

[tristanichole]

I will!! I'm hoping it is everything I'm looking for so I can get my program done quicker!

 

[Jenn]

I think vet offices also like to see actual hands-on practice. So hopefully it is what you want it to be so you can get a job you love to go to!

 

[tristanichole]

The Vet Clinic I work at now is completely o.k. with me doing it all online, but I just don't know that I am anymore. I would really like to be doing more hands on...the only reason I went for the online thing is because that was my only option at the time; there wasn't another school close by. I'll post after I get home tomorrow and let ya know what I thought!

 

[Chinniechantel]

Tristanichole- I am from MN and went to school in Eau Claire and then the U of M, and know how annoying and drunk people are there all the time. Heck, my parents go out 3 nights a week since I was 10 and don't come home until 3 am! Come on, grow up, you are 50 something for gosh sakes! Now my friends do the same but every night. I can't even do it, I don't have fun and would rather be at a show or the beach or the zoo, not drinking and nursing a hangover for 2 days. You need to smack them like the V8 commercial! Slowly you will adjust and it will get better. How much time do you really have for friends anyway? Probably not as much as you would think, and it is good to know who your real friends are and who were your drinking buddies. Big difference.

I can't wait to go to my high school reunion in 2 years, I was one of very few in a small MN town that even went to college or wanted to. Everyone said I was stupid and unrealistic and I just up and left and went to law school. People thought I was stupid because I was a blonde, funny and not a huge dork. Yeah, but you can still be smart, work hard and have some dreams!

I am now a corporate lawyer at age 26 and they are working at applebee's for the rest of their lives. I am sorry to say, but I can't wait to show them! And I feel bad for them, just feel lucky to be...you!

 

[tristanichole]

HAHA - The girl Rachel I mentioned, she was working at Applebees until she got caught stealing tips...now (somehow!) she works at a different restaurant. HA!

Ugh, I don't know HOW you went to big colleges like that, I would have hated all of that commotion all the time...and knowing myself, I wouldn't be where I am today if I would have. I too would rather be doing something else...going to a movie, going to the beach, hiking, spending time with my dogs...my husband.

LOL I love that "smack them like the V8 commercial" - I think about doing that to people all the time LMAO!!!

When it comes right down to it, I DON'T have a ton of time on my hands. I work quite a bit during the week/weekends, I am currently fostering kittens, I have dogs that need my attention and we take them to the social every Sunday...on top of that I'm going to be assisting one of the Dog Trainers in town starting on Wednesdays pretty soon here, so my life is full...which equals me being very boring in their eyes, but I feel accomplished and like I'm headed somewhere...I'm happy about that.

You sound like you've really done awesome for yourself!!! Way to be!! We had a 5 year HS reunion happen just this last Christmas and I didn't go.
1 - it was just everyone getting wasted at a bar and I had other things to do the day after Christmas...
2 - when I do go I want to have my own house and both of my careers set so I can actually have something to brag about - hehe

 

[mishellyshel]

I am much older than you guys but when i was your age, i already had a mortgage on a condo and i had a dog and i did my share of going out & doing the bar scene but when i met the man I was going to marry, most of those friends went bye bye! Then when i got divorced most of the friends we had together also went bye bye! at that point i had a son, 2 dogs & 1 chin and i met some new friends. the weekends my son was with his father everyone else was going "down the shore" or "into the city" and all the stuff I would love to do but couldnt both financially & because of my pets. It is hard to explain to someone who never had a dog that it is NOT okay to leave them alone for more than 12 hours and NO they will NOT be fine.
When i met my fiance', him and i were really good friends first, in fact that is all we were and we would hang out and he respected that i had pets and a mortgage and bills and we would either hang out at my house or do things locally.
i do have a scrapbooking hobby that has enabled me to meet many, many wonderful women of various ages for 18 to 80 and that has saved me.
my point is..........you will go through lots of stages of your life and friends will come and go. Only the good ones will understand you and be okay to only see you once in a while the rest of them well...........Oprah said something many years ago that has stuck with me..........Get rid of Toxic people in your life. And that is what I have done. I may not have many great friends, but i have a couple. but i have a great family, wonderful pets and a beautiful son that all make my life complete.

TN--get rid of the toxic people, make new friends in vet school and continue to be confident with who you are & where you are in your life

Chantel--I am sure it will be fun to go to your reunion and show everyone how wonderful you are.........but as long as you know it and the people that really know and love you know how great you are that is all that matters. Cause those "losers" who were such "winners" in high school will go back to their crappy & unhappy lives and you will move on & be you!

 

[lauralynne]

Michelle is right - get rid of the "toxic" people. If you don't see yourself being friends with them in 5 years, what is the point of putting all the energy into it, only to have it be wasted? More than likely, they aren't going to change.
I went through the same thing. I was the first one of my group of friends to get married and am still the one who has been married the longest. Most of them have been married and divorced. Hubby and I will be married 8 years this September and have been together almost 10.
Another thing is kids. If you think you got the "shaft" by getting married - wait until you have kids. That's even worse! (But still worth it!)
I am friends on facebook or myspace w/ quite a few people from high school and when asked why I didn't go to our 10 year reunion, I was just honest. My response was "I still talk to and see the people I want to. I didn't think it was necessary to pay a bunch of money to go see a bunch of people I wasn't going to see for another 10 or 15 years." I have a couple of friends from HS that we get together with literally about once a year...and we're all fine with that.
Just keep your focus on the things that make you happy and if that doesn't include the old friends, so be it!

 

[lauralynne]

Oh - and let me add, one of my very good friends gave me this quote when I was in middle school and it has stuck with me ever since.
"Remember those who love you, forget those who don't, and live life to love."

 

[Spoof]

I'm feeling you too, I have the same problem but not with friends... with my parents/family. They haven't 'had the time' to see me in five years yet have come up with the time to travel the world, visit other relatives and take many cruises and vacations. I barely talk to my mom on the phone now it makes me so mad and I only visit once a year for a few days before I just can't take it. It's like they want me there but not really and don't want to put any effort into it.

Thankfully I have a some wonderful friends, met through college, chinchillas, and jobs that have kept me going. They live all over the states and in other countries, but we make time to travel and see each other and I'm lucky for that.

I agree with what everyone else has said and will add that the more you care about something or someone the harder it is to let go. Particularly friends and moms that like to call when they're 'bored' or unhappy. )

 

[rach_leigh]

Good luck tomorrow!! I am sorry you are having a tough time with friends. I am 29 and have not had a best friend for a long time until I started working at my current job. Now I have met 2 great girls (women!) that I can count on. I have also met some amazing friends on CnH too! This place is great!

I was reading your post and read you were going to vet tech school. This is something I want to do. Maybe once I get married and can be on my b/f's insurance so I can work part time. I am not a moocher....I have diabetes and have a FT job now with better healhcare then him...lol!

Anyway - sorry to ramble. I think you will figure out who your real friends are soon. I love my life with Scott and my fur kids and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Good luck tomorrow and keep us posted!

 

[tristanichole]

Only the good ones will understand you and be okay to only see you once in a while (The friend of mine that is getting married in September, we have known each other our whole lives. We have also gone our whole lives seeing each other once a year when we were little and then it developed into twice a year...once in the summer and once in the winter and we are completely fine with that. As far as Lexy, the friend that I've been talking about, goes...well to me it is NOT ok to see each other ONCE in the last year and a half...and it is NOT okay to lie.)the rest of them well...........Oprah said something many years ago that has stuck with me..........Get rid of Toxic people in your life. (I do this every once in awhile with people in my life...people who I know need to go now...I've done this with family members also...not get rid of them per say...but I limit their access to me.)And that is what I have done. I may not have many great friends, but i have a couple.

TN--get rid of the toxic people, make new friends in vet school and continue to be confident with who you are & where you are in your life

WILL DO!!!

Michelle is right - get rid of the "toxic" people. If you don't see yourself being friends with them in 5 years, what is the point of putting all the energy into it, only to have it be wasted? (I like this...at this point I really don't see myself being friends with her 5 years from now...in fact, I'd be surprised if I was...)More than likely, they aren't going to change.
I went through the same thing. I was the first one of my group of friends to get married (Me too)and am still the one who has been married the longest. Most of them have been married and divorced. Hubby and I will be married 8 years this September and have been together almost 10.
Just keep your focus on the things that make you happy and if that doesn't include the old friends, so be it! (I agree)

I'm feeling you too, I have the same problem but not with friends... with my parents/family. They haven't 'had the time' to see me in five years yet have come up with the time to travel the world, visit other relatives and take many cruises and vacations. I barely talk to my mom on the phone now it makes me so mad and I only visit once a year for a few days before I just can't take it. It's like they want me there but not really and don't want to put any effort into it.

I agree with what everyone else has said and will add that the more you care about something or someone the harder it is to let go. Particularly friends and moms that like to call when they're 'bored' or unhappy. )

Aw, I'm sorry about the way your family is about seeing you. I really don't have much for family because they don't treat me well at all...From my Mom's side of the family I'm pretty much done with everyone...they're horrible to me (They are EXTREMELY religious and I am not, therefore I am going STRAIGHT to hell and they shouldn't associate much with me in case it "rubs off"...
I'm close with my Aunt and a cousin from my Dad's side (but NOT my Dad...I refuse to talk to him), but I haven't seen them in years.
My Mom can be VERY hard to deal with sometimes...
My In-laws don't agree with my husband and I having the animals we do...
So basically I have my husband in my personal life and that's it. I'm fine with that though, I love him VERY much.
The thing about Lexy is that if I'm going to let her go as a friend, I have to do it the hard way...she wont "get it" otherwise...so its not like I can just let it slowly burn out...she's one of those people that always acts like nothing is wrong. :hair:

Good luck tomorrow!! I am sorry you are having a tough time with friends. I am 29 and have not had a best friend for a long time until I started working at my current job. Now I have met 2 great girls (women!) that I can count on. I have also met some amazing friends on CnH too! This place is great!

I was reading your post and read you were going to vet tech school. This is something I want to do. Maybe once I get married and can be on my b/f's insurance so I can work part time. I am not a moocher....I have diabetes and have a FT job now with better healhcare then him...lol!

Anyway - sorry to ramble. I think you will figure out who your real friends are soon. I love my life with Scott and my fur kids and I wouldn't trade it for the world! Good luck tomorrow and keep us posted!

I'm hoping to make better friend when I start as a Vet assistant at work.
Things went well yesterday actually! I had an "interview" with an admin. rep. and he really liked me and said he would definitely write me a good recommendation into the Vet Tech program. So now I just have to figure a few things out with the current school I'm going to...then on the 13th I'm going back to pay for my application at Globe and from there we'll see where things start rolling. I'll definitely keep updating though!

Thanks everyone, its nice to have people to vent to that know what I'm going through. Although its not nice that any of us have had to go through this...grrr.

 

[Spoof]

I'm hoping to make better friend when I start as a Vet assistant at work.

You will! You'll also meet tons people who are as passionate about animals as you are.

That's the great thing about that type of job - you're in an industry where people do it because they are passionate about it. It will change your life to work with a group like that. )

 

[tristanichole]

I'm REALLY looking forward to it!!