Is it any of my business the way my brother treats his step-daughter?

[ReneeM]

I'm going to begin by saying my brother is not a nice person. He is arrogant and full of himself. He made my own childhood miserable from my teenage years into my twenties. He called me a fat witch with a B daily for years. I don't even like my brother as a person. but he is family so I do love him as a sibling.

He does not treat my niece as well as his own children. He has been married to his wife for ten years, since my niece was three. He has four biological children. The oldest is 8.

My niece is only thirteen. My niece is often treated as a mini adult, and expected to babysit her siblings. If something happens with the kids when she is babysitting it is her fault, no matter what in my brother's eyes.

Her biological father is still in the picture and she visits him often.

I will often talk with my niece alone and it is clear she does not really like my brother. He treats her as less of a person than his own children. She tells me about the way he treats her, and it makes me angry. He treats her the same way he treated me when I was her age, minus the name calling.

I don't feel like I can confront him on it. My parents occasionally say something to him about it, but he blows it off and nothing changes.

I don't know what to do, or if I can do anything. If I confront him with how I really feel both he and his wife will be angry. Or if it's even my business?

 

[Spoof]

I'll go out on a limb here and say it depends on your family. There is no way we can know the extent of your relationship in this from just one post.

What you can do regardless of the situation is be there for her when she needs you. Help her become a strong independent woman that doesn't get into a deprecating cycle where she feels the need to seek approval from a step dad that is treating her poorly.

)

 

[Dreamlite]

As a woman who grew up in a emotional and physically abusive home, the best thing you can offer her is support. Give her the time to talk to you, to vent. Give her the safe place to get away and unwind. Does her mother notice the difference in the way he treats the kids? If she is unwilling to 'see' it then saying anything will only make them draw farther away and she will loose your emotional support.its imposible to know in 1 post how your family relates to eachother. Have you talked to your mother about the situation? She may have better luck talking to your brother. He might not take it as so much of a personal attack coming from her than from yourself.

 

[ReneeM]

It would cause problems in the family dynamic unfortunately. I really can't say anything without it blowing up. If I could I would confront him.

My niece also has cystic fibrosis.

I can understand what she is going through. My dad kicked my brother out of the house a few times after he turned 18 because of the way he treated me. I can't even remember all of the screaming matches I got into with my brother because of the name calling. I remember writing my brother about how her hurt me at 14 or 15, but I never gave it to him.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I will never forget the way he treated me. And I still find it hard to forgive him. It was his wife who got him to stop being so horrible to me.

I hate seeing my niece go through the same thing, although without the name calling. It's a horrible way to grow up. She is loved and has a wonderful extended family on all sides, so she has support. It's the daily living with my brother.

In a way I wonder if anyone else can understand his treatment of her on the level I can. It's a repeat of the past.

My brother does not deserve to be her step-father.

That probably sounds like a horrible thing to say, but as a person I don't like my brother. He is a bully. I don't even know if I can say I love him. I feel like I love him because I have to, because he is my brother. Sometimes it just feels circumstantial that we are related.

We get along okay as long as we don't really talk.

I'm not sure my parents would confront him on it because of the problems it would cause. It's obvious to all of us the way he treats her. I think my sister-in-law does address it, but it feels like its swept under the rug sometimes.

Sorry for the rant!

I'm going to take my niece out shopping for Christmas, so we will have a girl's day.