4luvofchins
Well-known member
My poor poor little Raisin, who fought like a champ against malo and GI stasis for nearly 6th months is gone. He had been going up and down, but never appeared to be in pain, still eating and acting playful. He was on medicine and subcu fluids for a long time though. Last night he started acting different, unable to hold himself upright and stretching his belly out. It was the first time in all of this that he looked to be in pain and well, in a way, looked to be giving up. I rushed him to animal emergency knowing that I was going to have to put him to sleep. I have never in my life lost a pet, and this is tearing me apart. I knew that he wasn't going to get better, and while the vet offered pain meds, I didn't want him to suffer anymore with needles and belly aches, and he looked to me like he was ready. So I told him it was ok, he could rest now. I was unable to be in the room when they put him to sleep. My mother and father went in there with him and said he was in peace. I just wanted to remember my beautiful little baby happy and active. This has torn me apart, while i've been trying to prepare myself for this, I always hoped he would pull out of GI stasis. He fought a great fight, and I think that I did everything humanly possible to keep him happy, comfortable, and with a good quality of life. I promised myself when the problems started that if he looked like he was giving up and ready to go I would let him go, and so, last night, I let my angel go. My world feels so different already. I can't eat or sleep. All I can do is cry and feel guilty for putting him to sleep. I wonder if I did it to early, or maybe too late. I tried to make unselfish decisions regarding his care. I am fortunate to still have Dusty and Houdini my other 2 chins, however, through all of the sickness with Raisin, we got very attached. It became routine, he would sit on the counter in front of me and eat up his critical care and gobble up his medicine (he loved it!). He would let me rub his belly, and would just sit on my lap. My remaining 2 chins, are not cuddly, do not like being held, and will nip your fingers if you aren't careful. I feel guilty that I became so much more attached to Raisin. My goal is to build more of a bond with my other 2 guys. But it will never be like what I had with my Raisin. I intend on making a memory book with pictures and writing down all of my favorite memories of Raisin, so that I NEVER forget what a beautiful, happy, cuddly, sweet chinny he was. This is so painful, I feel like i'll never stop picturing the last time I saw him as they took him from the room. I'll never hear his chattering, watch him gobble another raisin, or spin through his dust bath again. I miss my baby so much already. I was not prepared for how I was going to feel, but how could I be? Raisin, you will never be forgotten, it was an honor and a privilege to be your mommy. I loved you Raisin, and I will never stop loving you. I will take wonderful care of your brothers, and one day, I hope you'll be my treasure in heaven. :cry3:
