I'm a hoarder... and I need help.

[Riven]

I am a "things" hoarder. Not like the ones on TV, but mostly of "sentimental stuff".

I have FIVE, yes FIVE kitchen tables... I only have one kitchen.

I have an Edward Fyke table with a matching hutch that was my great grandmothers... the table is in the living room and covered with a cloth so the cats don't scratch it and I use it to put my plants on. The hutch is also in the living room filled with odd and end sets of dishes and glasses passed down from people we don't know ( John's side of the family ). the table and hutch don't match anything in my house which is almost all light wood walls and it's cherry.

I have a 5 leg oak table that needs to be refinished, my great grandparents' on the other side... I have an antique drop leaf which I bought when I lived in Columbus and it's half stripped ( I keep thinking about keeping it for when my girls move out because it's great for an apt. sized place ) and I just bought a solid oak antique table that I really liked and couldn't pass up for ... $25 ( yea that was a steal ).

In the kitchen is a table my mom and grandma bought me when I graduated and moved into our house. It's oak, but needs refinished... It's a "made in China" lower quality edition, but if cared for properly it could last a long time.

This is how it is. I end up keeping all of this stuff, then I feel cluttered, and there are things I don't use, or don't match but I feel like I NEED to keep them because they are all gifts or family heirloom type things...

How can I get over this? My mom looked at me weird when I told her I bought a new kitchen table and then I felt like she was upset I didn't want the one they bought me anymore... I'm sure if I asked her she would say do what you want, you're the one who has to eat at it... It's like I'm so worried about disappointed my family by saying I don't want this stuff, and I know that I'm the only one who would take care of it, other than maybe one of my cousins, the rest don't give a rats behind about this stuff, they'll just basically destroy it. Like the Edward Fyke table, my grandma remembers how her mom saved up for that table for a really long time...

What do I do?! How to I stop this?!

 

[Nancy]

Keep it. You have daughters that some day may want their great great grandma's tables. Once a family piece is gone out of the family, it's gone for good and even if you don't use it right now, you or your girls may at some point in the future.

I'm the same way. heehee

 

[Marie5656]

If you have room for them, then go a head and keep them, to pass down to future generations. There are a few things from my own family home I wish I still had...nothing much of monetary value, but memory value. I still miss this big comfy overstuffed chair we had. But when my dad passed away, I lived in a small apartment and had no place to put it. I wish now I had asked my brother to keep it for me in his house until I was ready for it.

 

[addictedtochins]

I would take the legs off the tables that I didn't need, wrap and protect them (cheap comforters from a thrift store) and store them on top the rafters in my garage or standing up leaning against a wall in my closet. Do you have all the chairs as well? Don't worry about what your mom thinks. If she doesn't see a problem with all the clutter in your house then she's probably a hoarder too. And I bet she doesn't have everything that was ever given to her.

 

[alpayton]

I used to have that problem. No matter what it was (stuffed animals, dolls, odds & ends, figurines, etc) if my family gave it to me, I'd find a place for it. As my son ages, I figured I didn't want to show him that he has to keep everything I give him over the years, so I took the lesser of sentimental valued items and had my son get his and we had a yard sale. Made quite a bit of money from that stuff and then showed Pierce how to open a savings acct at the bank with it. Now we have lots more room to actually enjoy the remaining things and I don't feel guilty anymore about having too much junk/stuff in the house. I still have a long way to go, but for the most part, I'm good.

 

[scamperlittletika]

if it is affecting your sanity and happiness than you need to get rid of it or find somewhere to store it until you can pass it on to your kids or something. Clutter really isnt healthy! i am a totally different person unless my house is fresh and clutter free.

If your family doesnt understand than maybe they are more than willing to store it for you?!

good luck taming the monster

 

[ETC]

I am exactly the same way!! My father passed away in 2004 and he left me the entire contents of his condo....then my mother passed in 2009 and left me the entire contents of her house (her Mom died in 1998 and had a houseful of antiques from generations)....
so, I have three households of antiques AND my own stuff. My husband calls me a "hoarder" but it is only sentimental things that I have. I don't hoard things that aren't from generations of relatives. It really causes stress though because he is a minimalist, and I love THINGS....I have a wall in my house all done up in antique frames with old photographs all mounted with brass nameplates of generations of my family going back four generations to the early 1800's. I thought it would be great so that people wouldn't forget who it was in the picture.
My hubby on the other hand would rather ONE picture on ONE wall.....
wondering how to compromise here.....

 

[Riven]

The problem is I don't have a lot of storage space, we have a spare "room" in the basement, but it's basically where the junk collects and it drives me insane. Eventually I'd love to open the wall and make a big living room downstairs, with a formal dining or study upstairs where the current living room is. My closet is already housing "parts" for one of the tables! If I put them all in there then I wouldn't have any room for any clothes!

I have decided to refinish and restore the one and sell it. I talked to my grandma and she almost freaked out asking what I was getting rid of... I was like right now nothing, but this is an issue! I think her reaction is part of my "problem" I try to make people happy all the time, eve if it means I don't always get what I want ( ex. the furniture I want )....

We do not have access to our garage rafters. Blankets would encourage mouse nesting as well (we live in a farm area, mice are a huge menace at times).

 

[Laurie]

Nicole, I'm sorry this is stressing you out. My suggestion is this, if you truly, truly want help then ask your friends to do a garage sale for you. You won't be there so you won't watch things go away. Sit down and make a reasonable, practical list of what you really should keep. I have a couple of things from my grandmothers, and my great grandmother that I would never part with. I will NEVER part with or give up any of my Elvis stuff, there are things of Lisa's that I will never part with, but other things that I really love I know I can really live without.

I do know what you're going through as I am a book hoarder. I most of Nora Roberts' original Silhouette Romances before she hit big and we are talking over 20 years ago. I have all my keeper authors that I refuse to give up even though a couple of them have passed away and some of them are no longer writing--my entire closet is currently filled with about 50 bags of books and there are more down in storage boxed up. I'm a re-reader so I just can't let these walk away from me.

Good luck and I don't think you're crazy or wrong at all to want to hold on to something that gives you good memories of a beloved family member

 

[Riven]

Some of it is if it was going to get taken care of I wouldn't mind so much. But sometimes you just never know!

John offered for me to be able to keep one of my tables in his tool house if I wanted as well. He told me I don't have too much stuff, I just don't have a big enough house. I said yea... because we'd have the only one family house with FIVE dining rooms!

So I have decided when I'm done finishing Hailey's dresser ( a tiger oak that was her great grandmother's ) I'm going to redo the top of the vanity I got for her, then I'll redo the new table, it's in good shape, but would rather do it now than later. Then redo my current kitchen table and put it away in John's tool house. And go from there... Part of my problem is I see value in everything. The one table is literally being held together but a piece of 2x4 screwed through the top... I'll simply put in latches to keep it from sliding apart ( it has leaves and is supposed to slide apart), and strip and sand it...

I did tell my grandma I'm limited on how much "stuff" I can take in. She was going to bring me a vanity. The whole conversation started because my mom said there was a vanity that went with the bedroom set I have... and if so I wanted to keep the entire set complete ( great grandmother on my mom's paternal side, lol ) but when I asked her it wasn't even part of the set just an odd vanity. She thought it had been my grandpa's sisters at one time... well her AND HER kids are alive! So I said no... no more "stuff" without prior approval, lol.

 

[Laurie]

Nicole you can always send your treasures here! I need a new bedroom set! lol!

 

[Riven]

Give me a week... I'm sure SOMEONE will want to give me something!

We have an older family friend who gives us things... but luckily she knows I like jewelry! They have no family and she doesn't want her things ending up just being tossed or given to people who won't care about them. She's given my girls kid gloves, kerchiefs, muffs, and things from when SHE was kid. They love and cherish them because they know they are special. She gave me a ring that was her mothers that is exquisite with pearl and sapphires... and for the girls' b-day's this year she is giving them each a ring out of her collection... : / I believe I will hold those until they get older though... At least most of her stuff is small! LOL

Now... I could use a new cherry desk if anyone needs to get rid of theirs... I used to have a huge L shaped one with credenza but sold it when I moved. Always wished I hadn't.

 

[Lmbswimmer]

I know this is over a month old, but how are things coming with the tables?

I saw an interesting article on Yahoo on those super mini houses - talk about making you think about what you own when you house is all of 10 ft by 18 ft.

Anyways some of this "heirloom" stuff is really not heirloom in my opinion. There are two generations above you not wanting this stuff, they don't want the clutter, so they know that they can get you to hold onto it. Why does your grandmother or mother not want it? No room probably.... so why do you need to keep it?

Go through your house without your stuff mentally. What do you want in each room? How would you like it to look? Then even though it will be like ripping a painful bandaid off rehome/sell everything you have that doesn't fit that. The only exceptions are super personal unique things your kids say they DO want when they are older. My mom is holding onto an awesome rocking chair for me since I don't have the room for it right now. Once we get our covered porch where we want it we will have room for it.

My mom in college gave me their dining room table, a "heirloom" solid oak round table. It worked, but nothing I loved. My mom gave it to me to get it out of her house since I needed one. I found one I love at a yard sale. It's solid cherry, seats 8, came with seats that need to have the upholstery redone, and a china cabinent. All for $200. I got the table set up last weekend and sold the oak one. My mom didn't like it, I didn't like it, I wasn't going to save it for my son or daughter not to like but feel obligated to use.

 

[Sheena]

I say get a storage facility and break the tables down as much as you can, and store them. Clutter is a real problem in my house because my house is just so tiny. I finally ended up just getting rid of a bunch of things that I haven't used in a while and don't know when I will use them. Some things you just can't hold onto forever. While it's nice to have things that were in the family, it is also nice to be able to walk around in your house. lol.
I think that pictures in photo albums and such are of more important sentimental value than items, and take less room to store. If I gave something to my mother, sisters, etc. and they couldn't use it, had five of them, or whatever, I wouldn't be upset if they downsized and got some new stuff (your new nice table you got for $25). People have to realize that while it is nice to have stuff from members of the family, sometimes the items are just not practical and you eventually just want new stuff. Material things get worn out.
Plus, why not donate the extra tables and items to someone who doesn't have one? Someone just starting their life out, or starting over instead of them just collecting dust around your house. I am sure your family couldn't be upset about you using those items to help other people.