Help with my kids... bad attitudes towards each other!

[Riven]

Anyone who meets my kids from people I work with to their teachers will say what wonderful kids I have and they're so polite and well mannered... the issue is if they don't kill each other soon, I might!

They are both girls ages 9 and 12. The oldest one Hailey is a little mother hen, social butterfly, she likes to feel important and "take care of things". Andi is 9 and she is independent, extremely smart but unorganized and very sensitive.

I can't remember a day in the last month that it hasn't been fighting back and forth. They get into arguments over the dumbest things and will go back and forth over some dumb comment for literally 20 minutes + until I finally tell them to both stop it or they'll be grounded. The time limits been getting shorter and shorter.... along with my patience for it.

I don't expect them to be best friends, and I understand siblings don't always get along, but it's really down to the fact they don't respect each other or treat each other with any form of respect. They would never treat anyone else the way they treat each other. We've had sit downs, we've had to your own room times... I've threatening to room them together until they can get over it, but I really don't know if that will help.

I'm open for suggestions!

 

[jags]

Ha, if you think its bad know just wait until they are both teenagers! Glad I only have one boy.

 

[arf2184]

Sounds a bit like my younger sister and I when we were growing up. I don't think making them share a room would help. My sister and I shared a room for a long time and both of us hated it. She was messy and my animals destroyed some of her stuff. She threw tantrums and if she yelled, I'd yell back. Things got better when my older sister moved out and we got our own rooms, but we still fought.

With my sister and I, time apart helped most, like when one of us left to visit friends or family for a few days. I think we just got sick of each other. Our personalities clashed and for the longest time we had basically the same schedule and were always around each other outside of school. It just built up to where we didn't get along at all. As we got older and started each doing our own thing though, it got better. Not necessarily because we got along better, but because we didn't have to because we weren't around each other as much.

I would continue to not let things go too far, but don't jump in every time. Let them work things out on the their own sometimes, even if it ends in them being mad and stomping away. Every relationship is different, but I doubt they will keep it up forever. Now at age 29 and 25, my sister and I are friends. We have some similar interests and like to do things together. That was not true 15 years ago, or even 10 years ago.

My sister and I still argue over dumb things...nothing vicious in it, its just what we do. Our mother still gets annoyed at us for it but we both just laugh.

Another thing, what I hated the most, what we both hated, was when mom was at work and I was responsible for my sister. I think this is what drove us apart the most. She hated being told what to do, but if the chores and homework weren't done before mom got home from work, we'd both be in trouble. So me, trying to be the responsible one, became the bad guy for telling my sister to do her share of the work. I still resent my mother a bit for putting me in that position. We (mom and I) sorted it out eventually, but it would have been better if my job was simply to keep my sister from burning the place down and not getting her to do her work.

I would try to avoid that with your girls and tell your 'mother hen' that she only needs to worry about herself and let you handle your 'free spirit'.

 

[CTChin]

My sister and I were like that. We were setup in the same bedroom and it was misery. We are now good friends

 

[Jenn]

My boys get along really well, for the most part, and they are 14 and 12. They do have their moments, though, like all siblings do. One starts the argument, and then it continues to escalate, neither boy willing to be the bigger person and just drop it. I usually wait to intervene, because they need to learn how to work out their problems on their own. But, if I have to step in, I usually separate them and put them in two different rooms. I tell them they have to stay there until they are ready to get along again. Usually, no more than 5 minutes passes and they are best friends again.

I think the winter months don't help. Everyone gets cabin fever and kids have so much energy and if they don't get a chance to run it off, they tend to become more irritable and argumentative. Just like our dogs tend to get themselves into trouble by destroying things if they are not exercised and kept from getting bored, kids will be the same way. They need to run off their energy, and they need to be doing something constructive so they don't get bored. And kids get bored so easily!

I think, too, that your girls will get along better when the weather warms up and they spend more time indoors. Also, what about vitamin D? Levels get low for everyone this time of year. Most doctors agree that kids need to be taking vitamin D supplements and a boost could be helpful if they are low.



I was one of three girls growing up and we fought all of the time. We also got into a lot of physical fights...fingernails being the main weapon! Sisters can be ruthless against one another, but they will eventually outgrow it. We are best friends now, but had that love/hate relationship growing up.

Teen years won't help at all! It will get worse before it gets better! Something to look forward to! lol. Good luck!

 

[Dreamlite]

I hated my younger sister till I was homeschooled and we ran a family farm together. After having sooooo many project where we had no choice but to work together we are quite closenow. My sister does have adhd that my parents refused to treat so that didn't help. Do your kids work on anything together where they get a rewardd at the end? We raised laying hens and getting them to month 8 to the 1st few eggs was a huge step for bonding with my 2 sisters. We each had a bottle lamb 1 yr and we were up every 3 hours around the clock out feeding, spending 'good' time together. We didn't get along all the time. When we did have arguements we were given a physical punishment (walk to the end of the mile driveway for the mail, run 10 laps around the house and yard, restock the hay piles) so when we were done we were too tired to argue. It helped a lot.