Maybe I'm just being a baby...

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JennyBug

JennyBug

Sometimes I love too much
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
658
Location
Indiana
My husband lost his job in December, and he's been working as a temporary worker for another company since the beginning of April. He had always worked first shift, we left the house at the same time, got home around the same time, and were able to eat supper and spend the evening together most nights. Now he's on third shift, and I'm ridiculously lonely. He gets home around 10:00 a.m., stays up until around noon or one, then goes to bed until around 8:30 or 9:00, gets up, and is out of the house by 9:45 p.m. I'm home on summer vacation (I'm a teacher), and even though he's home all day, I can't talk to him. I feel like I never get to see him!! He's awake for a few hours, but he usually just wants to veg out and relax.

Worse, I'm really afraid of being in the house alone at night. We have a state trooper living next door to us, but it's still scary being in a house in the country by yourself. I can't even sleep upstairs in our bedroom anymore - it's too spooky and lonely. Any sound wakes me up, and I'm lucky if I get more than 5 hours of sleep a night. I have to wait to do housework until after he leaves for work so I don't disturb him, so I usually don't get to sleep until around 2 or 3 in the morning. That's fine now, but what am I going to do when school starts in August? If he's still on third shift when we decide to have children, I can't even imagine what a train wreck I'll be then. I'm scared enough being home by myself, I don't even want to think about worrying about a baby too!

My husband seems to be doing fine with his shift change, so why am I having so much trouble with this? Am I just being a baby? Does anyone else have a problem like this?
 
I am a night owl, up almost every night until 2am, usually cleaning cages!
my fiance' has to get up at 5am to go to work, so he is in bed around 10. right now he is sleeping and i am on the computer getting ready to take care of my chins. personally i like the time alone. maybe because i was married before or maybe because i am getting older. but it gives me time to think and do some things like read or scrapbook or get on the computer and just waste time without the pressure of having to entertain!

I would suggest that you make the best of the time you do have together and not dwell on the time you are apart. you may have to work out an unconventional schedule but it has to work for the two of you.

As for the security issue, if you are truly that nervous, invest in a low cost alarm system.
It will give you peace of mind while you sleep and maybe redirect some of that nervous energy toward something positive!
 
My wife's a surgical nurse, and we've gone through all kinds of shift changes when the kids were young.
Sure, it's uncomfortable in the beginning, but you'll work it out, sometimes for the better!
Get a small dog for those 'noises in the night', as it'll hear the bad ones, and let you know!
Maybe get a min-pin, as they're fearless, and train him to jump 'crotch - high'!
 
The dogs won't let you get hurt; they're excellent judges of character. :) It comes with having 4 legs and a good nose.

Is what you're missing the intimacy of having the same shifts, where you're getting ready for bed around the same time, lay there talking a while? If that's the case, ask him if he'd go to bed a little earlier (10 min?) and take a little time for a snuggle when he hits the hay. It might help you transition.
 
My husband changed job careers a few years back which took him to Georgia for 3 months of training. We live in the NW. Up until then, we had spent a lot of time together and had never been apart. I thought the 3 months apart would kill me, but time helps and I actually got into a good routine without him. He now works rotating shifts, and a lot of doubles, and I rarely see him anymore. I do have kids that keep me busy, and I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mom, which takes some of the chaos out of my life, but it is certainly a change for us. I love my husband, and would love to have him home more, but it is amazing to find out what you are capable of when you have no choice. I do believe it will get easier for you, and staying busy really can help you "forget" that your husband is not around. And it is important for the two of you to figure out how to get some quality time in...a little effort and sacrifice on both your parts. :)
 
I would be a big baby about this too... honestly. I often like having time alone during the days and evening but hate sleeping alone. I do know I have to have some sort of white noise on while I sleep, usually a fan, to block out little noises for my piece of mind. And having the 120 lb. laborador next to the bed doesn't hurt!
 
I always worked nigt shift either 11p-7a or 7p-7a.My hubby is a Paramedic so he works 24 hrs on then 48hrs off.Personally my dogs drive me nuts at night and during day if I was sleeping and hubby was gone. They went into super alert mode and "booger barked" at everything! Recently hubby has had a chance to work M-F and 8-5 normal people hours as we call them. It has been driving me nuts.I'm used to being able to get stuff done and take our mini trips during the week when the crowds aren't such a problem,clean house without him messing up as soon as I clean up,etc.Plus I enjoy time just by myself with me and my critters.I didn't marry until I was over 32 and was used to being alone. There are advantages and disadvantages, but in these days, just be thankful he has a job.:)
 
Yeah, being thankful for a job has been priority one!! Thank you for all of the advice, everyone; we'll definitely just work on making the best of it! :)
 
momenteller said:
I would be a big baby about this too... honestly. I often like having time alone during the days and evening but hate sleeping alone. I do know I have to have some sort of white noise on while I sleep, usually a fan, to block out little noises for my piece of mind. And having the 120 lb. laborador next to the bed doesn't hurt!
Click to expand...

Big dogs are great too. I have a 200lb German Shepherd that sleep with me (big bed hog) but no one was allowed to entertain my room without knocking and speaking as they open the dog so she knew who they were. No one was allowed to hit me (like playing around). Big dogs are great for things like that, but since she passed away in Sept. 2009, I've had a chihuahua. Shes pretty great at almost the same things. If someone enters my room at night they have to speak as they do so.
 
We have two outside dogs and our puppy, Bear, is inside. One of our outside dogs is a pit mix, and while he's a huge cuddlebug and wouldn't really hurt anyone, he doesn't like when people come to the house when we're not there or sleeping. He barks something fierce! Bear just had surgery, so he's too ashamed of having to wear a tank top for the next two weeks to be of much use on the guard dog front!! ;)
 
I go through the same thing about 11 months out of the year. With my husband always gone or deployed for months at a time, I used to get scared a lot too and after I had kids, it got worse. We finally moved into our own house and I was able to get am alarm system that is armed every night, along with motion sensors and cameras, and I feel safer now when he is gone. ADT has some low priced alarm systems and deals right now and there are a slew of other companies out there as well.

If you are worried about someone breaking in, think about taking some self defense classes at the local YWCA or ask the state trooper next door to recommend some classes. This way you are prepared if it ever does happen.

Most of all, do not dwell on the fact that he is gone at night, find stuff to occupy your mind and make you forget you are alone!
 
I think I've been married too long (17 years in Oct.). My husband works 7 pm - 7 am. So I actually enjoy some peace and quiet. Plus I get more housework done with him out and sleeping during the day. It is hard trying to keep the kids quiet with it being summer. You'll get into a routing after a while!
 
Rickman said:
train him to jump 'crotch - high'!
Click to expand...

Too, funny!!!! I agree with the dog idea. It will help with the loneliness too.

Sometimes it helps if you look at things a different way. Be greatful your husband has a job, alot of people don't.

Maybe he could go to sleep earlier, like when he gets home in the morning, and then get up a little earlier so at least you guys could have dinner together.
 
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