Explain this to me, if you would

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JennyBug

JennyBug

Sometimes I love too much
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
658
Location
Indiana
OK, so today has not been the best of days (except for the fact that I got to clean my cages). This is kind of long, so please bear with me!

I'm a seventh grade English teacher at a school in Southern Indiana. I coach, and I chaperone dances. I have regular contact with both students and parents both inside the school building and outside. I have received many compliments regarding how polite, caring, and nice I am from administrators, parents, coworkers, and even my students and players. I'm not trying to brag on myself, but I feel that I am a very polite person who gets along well with my coworkers, students, and their parents.

Now, to supplement my income (and to give me something to do during the summer) I picked up a part time job at a liquor store (don't worry, it's nowhere NEAR the school where I work). For the first 6 months I worked there, I had no problems with anyone, and as far as I could tell, no one had any problems with me. Today I got a phone call, and my boss said he had to let me go because of the amount of complaints he had received about my being rude. I was shocked. I always smile, say "yes, ma'am, no sir", and offer to help them. I joke with them, laugh with them, and I always tell them "thank you, and have a good day." Apparently, according to the store owner, something about me just makes people view me as rude and abrasive.

Here is my question: how can I get such opposing opinions? On the one hand, I have people telling me I'm very nice and polite, and on the other I have people saying they won't even come into the store when I'm there.

What the heck is going on?! I know that I'm not perfect; I'm aware that I can be rude just like any other person can, but I'm aware of the fact that I'm being rude. I don't understand what I'm doing to upset people so much, especially since they always seem happy with me when they are in the store. I do have one theory, and that is the fact that I'm not always dealing with the most educated or wealthiest people. I'm also not from this area, and quite frankly, my central Indiana accent makes me stick out like a sore thumb down here. Could some customers be mistaking my natural speech as my being stuck up or snobby? I naturally use a more complex vocabulary, so could people feel like I'm trying to make them feel dumb? Could someone mistake my laughing WITH them as laughing AT them? I'm just very concerned, and my former boss really won't be specific about anything (which is another thing that is upsetting). I know that most of you don't know me well, but have I ever been rude on here? Please be honest, this is really bothering me, and the last thing I want to be is rude to anyone.

Please Help!! :(
 
He probably just needed a reason to fire you and "I have complaints about you" is easier than "we don't need you anymore". I wouldn't worry too much about it. You don't seem rude on the boards and if you were so incredibly rude and abrasive you'd have lost your other job by now as well.
 
I have this EXACT problem where I work now. They actually fired me over the phone with out a reason and I demanded to come in and discuss what happened. I listened to the voicemail of what a guest had said and it was so twisted I was shocked. I gave my side of the story and they let me come back but it was not an easy pill to swallow that I was rude to a guest. Especially when this specific guest I had gone out of my way for to please. I egt 10 compliments a night on how great my service is and 1 complaint and they are ready to kick me out..

You have to remember you cant please everyone 100% of the time. But as long as you try 100% of the time to please everyone. Dont let it bother you. As long as you know you are a good person no one else matters.
 
You know, people don't even think about the consequences of their stupidity. Someone looks at them funny and it's a personal attack on them. Even if you don't look at them funny, they THINK you did, and they get all up in arms about it. They don't stop to think that a person may lose their job because they didn't bend over backwards to kiss their butts when they were being unreasonable. All they care about is the instant gratification of ragging on someone. Maybe you jump to help them because you were helping someone else at the time. But that part of it won't get passed on to your higher ups.

I know it's really hard to let go of this, because I know it's really going to hurt and make your gut feel all in knots, but you really can't let this make you crazy. In a retail position, especially in a liquor store where you are most likely going to run into some real winners, there is always going to be someone who doesn't like you or thinks you weren't gracious enough to their wonderful selves. You know you weren't rude, and that's what's important.
 
Part of what is bothering me is the fact that no one is being specific. A couple of people have just said, "She's rude." When my boss asks them to be specific, they just say, "I don't know, she's just rude." Maybe it's just me, but if I'm going to make a complaint against an employee (which I have done before), I'm going to be as specific as possible (i.e. she ignored me, she wouldn't help me, etc.). If I'm doing something that offends someone, I'm completely willing to work on that; however, I need to know WHAT that something is! If someone just doesn't like me for whatever reason, they need to say that rather than trying to justify it by saying something is wrong with me. I understand that not everyone is going to like me, but as I told my boss, he can check the cameras and audio system - I'm polite to every person who walks through that door because I know how important the business is to him!
 
Ok kind of a weird question- are you pretty quiet unless people approach you? Or are you outgoing? I consider myself a very nice and polite person most of the time, as do many of my friends; however I have also received contridicting opinions on that on occasion. What I found from the people that were accusing me of being 'cold' or rude was that because I was not outgoing and didnt approach them first that I apparently seem mean. I ran into this problem at my day job, and also w/ parents for some of the kids I've coached over the last couple of years. I have a different type of personality- I'm nice and polite, but quite and not all bubbly to everyone I meet. Perhaps you aren't "bubbly" enough for your customers- people are weird. I wish you luck in resolving this and sorry you have had to go thru it all and lose a job over it.
 
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think Peggy's signature says it well, "Never argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level..." You KNOW you did your job well and so many people know of no other way to make themselves feel better without making someone else feel worse. Not much consolation, I'm sure, but I KNOW you are a good person too.
 
All I can say is I'm sorry that had to happen to you. As everyone has said, try not to let it get to you but that's always easier said than done! I agree with Tabitha's theory that they just needed a reason to fire you, but the real shame is that they had to make you doubt yourself in order to save some money on payroll. My husband dealt with a somewhat similar situation in his job at the end of last year. I'm thankful he was able to find a different job where he is appreciated and much happier! I wish the same for you.
 
SinfulCindyLou - I'm not terribly outgoing with people I don't know (weird, considering I'm a teacher, I know, but kids are different). I don't make good eye contact in part because I have heterochromia irisii (one of my eyes in completely green, the other is half green, half brown) and it tends to be very distracting to people. I am aware of these and try to correct them, but I know I look shifty-eyed! That could be a good reason, though; I can understand how I could be perceived as rude if I have trouble looking people in the eye and talking to them comfortably!

Maybe I'm just not intended for sales...
 
JennyBug said:
SinfulCindyLou - I'm not terribly outgoing with people I don't know (weird, considering I'm a teacher, I know, but kids are different). I don't make good eye contact in part because I have heterochromia irisii (one of my eyes in completely green, the other is half green, half brown) and it tends to be very distracting to people. I am aware of these and try to correct them, but I know I look shifty-eyed! That could be a good reason, though; I can understand how I could be perceived as rude if I have trouble looking people in the eye and talking to them comfortably!

Maybe I'm just not intended for sales...
Click to expand...
What about a colored contact to correct the two toned eye?
 
Just had to mention that I think two toned eyes are stunningly beautiful. I had a boss with a one blue and one blue/brown. I loved them.

As for your situation, I am so sorry. Like Peggy said, I would just let it go. Sometimes there is just not an explanation for someone's actions. The more you think about it the more it will eat away at you.
 
I'd honestly be more upset about being fired over the phone. I know here in PA that's illegal, they have to ask you in.
 
Um, what's worse is the fact that both my father-in-law AND my husband knew what was going on before I did (they both work at the store as well). I actually had to call my boss to officially find out what was going on... apparently he didn't know how to approach me about it, so he asked my father-in-law what he should do. My father in law called my husband, told him NOT to tell me what was going on, and my husband knew he had to tell me. It was totally bizarre!

You know, you guys are right. The more I think about it, the more it upsets me. It's not like it was a $200,000 a year job, and with my husband having a new job and applying to the state troopers' academy, I will probably be glad to have the time off during the summer. At the very least I can work on making more fun fleece stuff for my princesses!! I'm working on a series of children's books, so I'll have more time to write as well.

Thank you to everyone for your support and advice!! :)
 
I am sorry that you got fired. Your husband and FIL could not elaborate on why you were fired either? Ugh. As long as you know you are a good person then a stranger's good opinion is not relevant IMO. Enjoy your free time and good luck writing!
 
sinfulcindylou said:
Ok kind of a weird question- are you pretty quiet unless people approach you? Or are you outgoing? I consider myself a very nice and polite person most of the time, as do many of my friends; however I have also received contridicting opinions on that on occasion. What I found from the people that were accusing me of being 'cold' or rude was that because I was not outgoing and didnt approach them first that I apparently seem mean. I ran into this problem at my day job, and also w/ parents for some of the kids I've coached over the last couple of years. I have a different type of personality- I'm nice and polite, but quite and not all bubbly to everyone I meet. Perhaps you aren't "bubbly" enough for your customers- people are weird. I wish you luck in resolving this and sorry you have had to go thru it all and lose a job over it.
Click to expand...

I agree with this post. Some people who tend to be shy or quiet can be perceived as stuck up or arrogant. I wonder if this could be it.
 
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