Animal Hoarding...really need help :(

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Vyxxin

RAF Chins
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
1,182
Location
Cambria County, PA
I'm at a total loss...really need some suggestions. A very very close friend of mine is an animal hoarder, with dogs. She's been a close friend of my family for a very long time. When I was younger she had a ton of dogs, her house was a mess (frequently) and then she had children. Eventually social services got involved, and got a court order to remove all but 3 of the dogs. The house cleaned up...became quite liveable...social services were no longer involved. A few years ago her last child moved out as an adult. Since then...she's been collecting...and breeding, pomeranians. None are potty trained, none are fixed...they breed at leisure. She's not entirely sure how many she has anymore (somewhere over a dozen) and I can no longer enter her home to count for myself as the house is rancid. She gets more and more, has puppies...sometimes she sells them most times she does not and her numbers keep going up while her house and health continue to deteriorate. I've offered to help get rid of the dogs AND clean the house...she agrees to get rid of some but not enough. And then she gets more in the meantime :( I need advice. This is a woman that is super sweet and caring, would help you in a pinch and is emotionally attached to these dogs. I think her children leaving spurred the relapse and I'm not sure how to approach. I cannot tell her that she smells badly and may lose her job because of it, I cannot tell her I don't come over anymore because it's unsanitary and I'm afraid of putting my house at risk of god knows what...I cannot tell her that because she will have a melt down and I know it. She takes everything way overboard and for more than what it is. Likewise though, she's killing herself...her house piled high in feces and urine...the dogs matted fur making them uncomfortable...I don't want her to go to jail...I don't want ALL of her dogs to be taken (I feel this may be too much and cause a break of sorts) but I want her and the dogs to get the help they need. I want her to be limited again to one or two FIXED dogs and her house to be made liveable again. In it's current state her home would be condemned if authorities came :( please, any advice?
 
I think that is a hard situation......but honestly its not just the dogs safety that is an issue...her health and safety are an issue too....an overload of feces's and urine DO make a lethal, unsanitary environment......yes I do agree children leaving does impact the hoarding issues honestly this issue will not get better on its own ...it will only get worse without professional treatment.....you can always call anonymously and call the department of mental health ( I would suggest this option as they can offer intervention) .....they will do an investigation and it will be anonymous...depending on the state you reside in they will also allow you a follow up report.....


it seems you have tried the confrontation with your friend and it does not seem to be working....often hoarders will make adjustments and then fall back into the same or worse patterns of behavior....it will hurt when they are confronted but honestly you are saving them from serious harm both the animals and herself just my thoughts....if you need help researching some intervention help in your area I can help you
 
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You say you cannot tell her these things? Part of being her friend is not sparing her feelings and letting her know that these things are effecting her life, in her home and out of it too.

Good Luck.
 
She needs to know these things. I would take it from a gentle approach and let her know that it hurts YOU to tell her these things so you're not just being mean. Offer to help her rehome some of the dogs. Bring up how so many dogs are in rescues and homeless, and that she should alter her dogs to help them. She also needs psychiatric help. This is a mental illness. Also perhaps get her involved in volunteering at rescues or shelters. This way she can help the animals, without owning the animals... be sure the rescue or shelter knows her history though.
 
I suggest getting a counselor involved. Without sorting out the emotions, she won't get through the underlying issues.
 
I don't really think you have to tell her anything. It won't do one bit of good. A animal rescue/humane soc. needs to get involved for the sake of the animals. This is too big a problem for either one of you. Help her get counseling. Keep us imformed please. Good luck
 
:( yeah, I've tried "round about"..."why don't you find some new homes, it would make your life easier?" (she's a busy working class woman) or...I'm really worried, if someone comes in here they'll take them all :( and she's just unreasonable at that thought, threatens things :( I could seriously see her having an emotional collapse when the dogs are taken...

The shelter work is a great suggestion...as with most hoarders, these aren't her pets they're her babies...and this isn't a problem...they get vet care (they do) and she loves them (she does) and that's that! She also breeds them as an excuse to further have them and more...ack! Me and several other friends are at our wits end with this. We love her, we do...but she's killing herself and the poor dogs. We've been very heavily considering calling the local humane authorities...but not sure where to go from there. We know she'll collapse...and we're not sure how to handle that.

Which is why I posted here, I know everyone on here loves animals...likewise, hoarding and recognition of the issue is a growing topic these days so figured I could get some good feedback. I'm so grateful that I don't hoard...anything (ask Roger, he'll tell you I throw everything out) but...it puts me at a loss on the mentality and how to deal with it on a personal level with someone that means a great deal to me. Thank you guys for the support! Also, she lives in Cambria County PA (as do I) and the local shelter is a kill shelter...maybe I could find a breed specific rescue?!? IDK...she wants to "sell" them as "she's not giving them away" they're worth money...but I think that's just an excuse to not get rid of them. If I could afford to "buy" them all under an alias (have a friend make the purchase) and then get them to shelter I would...but I dont think it'd help honestly. I mean, maybe it would if it were all at once...but...maybe it wouldn't.

Counseling is another thing this girl isn't very friendly with though I KNOW she needs it. She was through a good many abusive relationships before her current marriage...though knowing a bit about her homelife doesn't give much insight as to where the hoarding behavoir would've started...
 
Im a licensed SW in NJ and I havent yet had to deal with any serious hoarding issues however I imagine I will at some point in my career. There are always basic emotions and issues underlying every challenging situation that have commonalities with another.

There are two immediate things to consider 1) Your friends fragile emotional state and 2) The safety and the lives of the dogs. This is a really tough place for you to be in because you have a loyalty to both. It would be so much easier if you were emotionally detached from either of the two...

The truth is that any move you make to help the dogs will result in them being confiscated and ultimately perhaps destroyed. This would impact your friend tremendously I am sure because this is something she is using to soothe and distract herself from what she cannot handle emotionally. It sounds like right now she really has a wall up to anyone who attempts to say anything about her situation. To reach her you really have to frame things from her perspective. You sound very understanding and I think you probably do this naturally. Perhaps you could find a counselor in the area and ask her to meet with both of you. If she really is not willing to go that far..then she does not want the help and the only thing you can do is help these dogs.

The hardest thing I have had to learn is that no matter how hard I try and regardless to how much my heart is in a situation and how many skills I use...you cannot help someone change who does not want to. Failure to change someone or to help them change their situation does not reflect how good of a friend you are. Sometimes our very hardest try is not enough because it is always only 50% of what is needed for results to happen. She absolutely has to do 50% of the work or more. You can only fix what is in your control and I think at this point the only control you have is over what happens to the dogs.

If I step outside the social work role and just speak as myself, I personally would call anonymously to a shelter that is no kill (even if it is far) and beg them to help the dogs. Your friend will be devastated to lose them but then you will be a strong support in the aftermath.

She probably wont change this situation herself if she is this blocked off from criticism and I think although your concerned about her emotional state, the fundamentals of those concerning feelings are about the dogs - both their health and the unhealthy environment they are inevitably creating for themselves and your friend.
 
Thank you Tilly, it was very good to read your post. I KNOW I'm too close to look at the situation from a critical point of view. I really am, but SOMETHING has to be done :( she's going to kill herself, or find herself homeless or in jail...or...or?

I see cases (we all do with it being on tv these days) of hoarders and think, man that has to be hard to go through...but don't give much thought to how *I* would handle it. And I've known a long time this was going on...as I said, friend of the family at least for my lifetime :( when I was a kid I don't think it was as bad...her youngest moved out 5yrs ago and that's when IT started again :( I know she can survive with just a few as pets. She has before when she was FORCED to. Now she's not forced to by the state...her children care but also, cannot do anything without causing hurt...she's a very emotional sort, takes everything as "the world against me" and that's just NOT the case. We love her, we care about her dogs...we want the best for both of them.

I'm a good pet owner, I love my pets...but even I could just not handle THAT many dogs. None are potty trained, even if they were they dont get taken out for fear the neighbors will keep count and report her...the house is just rancid at this point. I cannot enter :( would not DARE take my children there :( I just, I worry about and care about this situation and don't want anything to bad to happen to her. I want her to deal with her emotional issues...I've spoken to some of her other friends (with the posts from this forum) and we've been discussing an "intervention" though the suggestion of finding a counselor to meet us one on one may work...MH/MR should be the place to go yes? Get an appointment set up? Can I even do that for my friend, will they allow it w/o me having her insurance info?

P.S.- Tilly, I took sociology in college, had I had the gumption to stick it out and actually finish college social work would've suited me. I did very well in the course because I find it easy to understand. I aced the course and thoroughly enjoyed looking at the social issues facing our world
 
There is a show on animal planet about hoarders maybe you can contact them in helping you. On the show they always have outside help, because it's out of the control of family and friends.
Personally I would not advise in helping at a local shelter, because than she ends up wanting to help save lives and taking animals home. (My husband banned me from going to the shelter and I am glad he did, because I usually brought one back with me).
Maybe your friend will agree to have them fixed, that would be a step in the right direction.
I breaks my heart, when people on the shows loose all their pets or they have to choose which ones they can keep. Especially if the pets end up being put down.
 
You can call a counselor and get information however if you work out payment with them and it is out of pocket then you can make the appointment for her. With insurance they will want to make the appointment with whomever has the insurance.

Look for community counseling centers in your area ...they are more likely to take a sliding scale fee.
 
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